Newspaper of Bedford Gazette, September 18, 1857, Page 1

Newspaper of Bedford Gazette dated September 18, 1857 Page 1
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BY MEYERS & BERFORD. WHOLE NO. 2762. VOL 53. •iM—- THE HYBRID OBPOSITIDY. KF \D THK PLATFORMS OF THE RfNG STREAKED, STRIPED AND SPOT TED TICKETS, NOMINATED BY" THE ABOLITIONISTS!! VVe again call attention (o the annexed exposition of the-principlesf) held by the candi dates nominated in opposition to those put forth bv the Democratic party. Upon the grounds here given, and upon none other, can they ask the votes of the people of Bedford county. They stand before the public as the representatives of the platforms subjoined. They are the endors ers of the shocking oath that follows. They ap prove of al! the heresies of Abolitionism. Read and reflect: i* K- T. Americanism i Fliisr DEGREE— OBLIGATION. i'Vou and each of you, ol your own free will and ac cord in the presence ol Almighty God and these witnesses, your right hai d resting on this HOLY BIBLE and GROSS, and your left hand raised towards Heaven, in token ol your sincerity, do solemnly pro mise and SWEAR that you will not make known to anv person or persons, any of the signs, secrets, mys teries or objects ol this organization, unless it he to those whom, after due examination, or lawful infor mation, vuu snail find to be members of this organi zation in good standing : That you will not cut, rnrve, punt, paint, stump, stain, or in any way, di rectly or indirectly, expose any of the secrets or ob jects ol this Older, noi sutler it to he done by oth ers, it in votir power to prevent if, unless it be lor official instruction. That so long as you are connect ed with this organization, if not regularly dismissed Iron) it, you will, in all things, political or social, so Ist as thi- order is concerned, comply with the will ol the MA'DEI JW when expressed in a lawful man lier, though it may coudict with your personal prefe rences, ;,i long a- it does not conflict with the grand, state, or subordinate constitution, the constitution of the United Mates ot America, or that of the -tule in which you reside, and that yoti will not, under a j.y circumstances whatever, knowingly recommend an unworthy' person lor initiation, nor slitter it to he Uoue U in your power to pievent it. You further more pioruise aiid declare ibat you will not VOl E nor give your influence lor any man for AN Y OF FICE in the gut of the- People unless he he an A MIRIC.VN-BORN citizen in favor ol AMERICANS BORN ruling America, nor if he be a ROMAN CA THOLIC, and Hut you will not, under ANY CIR CUMSTANCES, expose the N AME OI any member of this Order, nor reveal the existence of such an or ganization! To all the foregoing you bind your e|ve- tinder no |es- a penalty than that of being ex pelled from the Order, and of having your name pos 'ed and cireulated throughout the different Councils of the United Stales as a PERJURER, and as a trai tor to GOD and your COUNTRY; as a being unfit to he employed, entrusted countenanced or supported in any business transaction; as a person totally unwor thy the confidence of all good men, and as one at whom the linger of SCORN should ever he pointed, ao help yon God." [This is admitted to be ihe oath v-datinMered by the Know Nothings. Their 2d and •id obligations are still mote blasphemous and fear ful.] Tn<- subjoined Picket stands square upon Ihe n bove platiorm: Governor—isaac Hazlehur-t, Philadelphia. Canal Commissioner—J. F. Lindermau, Berks. Supreme Judges —Jacob Broom, Jasper K. Brady. Theanne.xed Ticket adopts this platiorm with the additional plank that a dissolution of 'he Union is preferable Jo allowing the institution of slavery to exist 111 the South—and tiiat negroes should enjoy ail the privileges ol the white race, social and political: Governor—David Wilmot. Canal Commissioner—William Millward. Supreme Judges—James Yeech, Joseph J. Levis. fhe Ticket which follows, is the child of a "17- N10N" of the above elements: Senator— \V. H. KOONTZ. A „ m hi s - CABTNER, f y — H. C. STEW ART. } Pro'hnnotarv—JOHN A LSI P. Sheriff"—J. S. BECKAYJTH. Tiea-urer—GEORGE. OSTER. Commissioner—o. SPARKS. Director—THOM AS IMLER. Auditor—GEOßGE STUCKEY. " MWTHCDEVI L "LOST. The following is to g tod too he lost. We ciij> it from an exchange paper, and respectfully call tiie attention to it ot certain persons who feel disposed to spread in the newspaper line: A young man who ardently desired wealth, was viMted hy his Satanic majesty, who tempt ed hint to promise his soul lor eternity, il he could Le supplied on this earth with all the money lie could use. The bargain was conclud ed—the devil was to supply the money, and was at iast to have the soul, unless the young man could spend more mom-v than the devil could furnish. Years passed away—the man married, was extravagant in ids living, built pal ices, speculated widely—lost and gave away l Mtuties, and yet his coders were always full.— He turned {politician, and bribed his way to power and fame, without reducing his 'pile' ol gold- He became a'fiilrbuster,'and fitted out ships jiud armies, but his hanker honored all his drafts. He went loSt. Paul to livej and paid t ie usual raOsof inteiest for all the'nioney he could borrow, but though the devil wry laces when he came to pay the bills, yRk they Were all paid. One expedient alter another ! Idia-il—'he devil counted the time, only two years, that he must wait lor the soul, and; mocked the efforts of the despairing man. One 1 more trial was resolved upon the man started ! a newspaper! The devil growled at the bill at ihe end oi the first quarter, was savage in six months, melancholy in nine, ami broke, 'dead fro&e,' <a the end of the year. So the news papei went down, but the soul was saver). A Dun. SETTLED BY CASH.—A French man was to fight a duel with an American; the conditions were that hut one shot should be ex c'iange(i 5 and the precedence should go bv lot. I he Frenchman got the first chance, hut failed r> hit his adversary. As. the Yankee lifted his Ueapon, the other called out: 'Hold, J will buy your shot;' All were astonished at this, but his opponent 3nuvreij. 'iVhat will you 2ive?' 'i ive hundred pounds!' •Nonsense" cried the Yankee, taking aim aiiaui. >J arn a ir CK)l i marksman: you set 100 low a V;| lue upon yourself!' on estimate me at too high a price; but I will give yon i thousand pounds." •Agreed" cried the Yankee and the duel was a ' an end. A RILL FROM THE TOWN PI'MP. (Scene —the corner of two principal streets. The Town Pump talking through its nose.) Noon, bv the north clock! Noon bv the east ! High noon, too by those hot sunbeams, which fall, scarcely aslope, upon my head, and almost make the water bubble and srnoke in the trough under mv nose. Truly, we public ! characters have a tough time! And a among all the towns officers, chosen a! March I meeting, where is he that sustains, for a single year, the burden of such manifold duties as are imposed, in perpetuity, upon th" Town Pump 1 The title of "Town Treasurer - ' is rightfully mine, a.s guardian nfthe best treasure ibat the town lias. The overseers of the poor ought to make me their chairman, since! piovide boun tifully for the pauper, without expense to him that pays taxes. I am at the hi ad of the fire department, and one of the physicians to the board of health. As a keeper of the peace, all water drinkers will confess me equal to the constable. I perform some of the duties ol the town clerk, by promulgating public notices, when they are pasted on mv Iront. To speak within bounds, I am the chief person of the municipality, and exhibit, moreover, an admi rable pattern to tnv brother officers, by the cool, steady, upright, downright, and impaitial discharge of mv business, and the constancy with which I stand to my post. Summer or winter, nobody seeks me in vain ; for all dav long, I am seen at the busiest corner, just above the market, stretching out mv arms to rich and poor alike ; and at night, I hold a lantern over rnv head, both to show where I am, and to keep people out of the glitters. At this sultry noontide i am cupbearer to the parched populace, for whose benefit an iron goblet- is chained to rnv waist. Like a dram se|]er on the mail, at muster day, f crv aloud to all and sundry in mv plainest accents, and at the very tip-top of mv voice—Here it is, gen tlemen ! Here is the good liquor ! Walk up, walk up, gentlemen, walk up, walk up! Here is the superior stuff Here is the unadulterated ale of father Adam—Letter than Cognac. Hol lands, Jamaca, strong beer, or wine of anv price; here R is hy the hogshead or single glass, and not a cent to pay ! Walk np, gentle men, walk tip, and help yourselves. It were a pity if all this outcry should draw no customers. Here they come! A hot dav, gentlemen ' Qua)!', and away again, so a to keep yourselves in a nice coo! sweat. You, mv friend, will need another cupful, to wash the dust out of vour throat, if it be as thick there as it is <>n vour cow-hide shoes. I see that you have trudged half a score of miles In-day : and, like a wise man, have passed bv the taverns, and stopped at the running brooks and w<d]- enrbs. Otherwise, betwixt heat without and fire within, you would have been burnt to a cinder, or melted down to nothing nt all in the fashion ol jelly-fish. Drink, and make room for that other fellow, who seeks mv quench the fiery fever of last night's potations-, which be drained from no cup of mine. Wel come, most rubicund sir: Y'oujrnd ] have been great strangers hitherto; nor, to express the truth, will my nose he anxious for a closer in timacy, lill the fumes of vour hrath ! • a little less potent. Mercy on you, man ' the water absolutely losses down vour red-hot gullet, and is converted quite to steam, in the minatnre Topli et which you mistake for a Monarch. Fill a gain, ancl tell me, oo the word of an honest to per, did you ever iu cellar, tavern, or anv kind of a dram shop, spend the price of your chil dren's food lor a swig half so delicious? Now for the first time ten vears, you know the flavor of cold water. Good-bye; and whenever yon are thirsty, remember that T keep a con stant supply at the old stand. Who next ' Oh, my little fiiend, von are let loose from school, and come hither to scrub your blooming face, and drown the memory of certain taps of the ferule, and other school hoy troubles, in a draught from the town pump. Take it, pure as the current of your young life. Take it, and may your heart and tongue never he scorched with a fiercer thirst than now ! There, mv dear child, put down the cup, and yield your place to this elderly gentleman, who trends so tenderly over the stones, that 1 •otspert he is afraid of breaking them. What' he limps by without so much as thanking me. as if mv hos pitable offers were meant only for people who have no wine-cellars. Well, well sir —no harm done, [hope! Go, draw the cork, tip the decanter ! But when your great foe shall set yon a-roaring, it will be no affair of mine.— If gentlemen love the pleasant titillatinn of the gout, it is all one to the Town Pump. The thirsty dog, with his red tongue lolling out, does not scorn my hospitality, hut stands on his hind leg-, and laps eagerly out of the trough.— See how lightly he caper? awav again ' .fow ler, did your worship ever have the gout ? Are yon all satisfied? Then wipe your mouths, my good friends ; and while mv spout has a momentVleisure, T will delight the town with a few historical reminiscences. Trt far antiquity, beneath a darksome shadow of vener able boughs, a spring lobbied out ol the leaf strown earth, in the very spot where vou now behold rue on the sunny pav.emenj.. The wa ter was as blight arid clear, and deemed as pre cious as liquid diamonds. The Indian Saga mores drank of it from time immemorial, till the tearful deluge of fire wafer hurst upon the red-men, and swept their whole race awav from the cold fountains. Endicott and his fol lowers came next, and often knelt down to drink, dipping their long beards in the spring. 1 lie richest goblet then was of birch hark.— Governor VV inlhrdp, after a journey afoot from Boston, drank here, out of the hollow of his hand. The elder Ijigginson here wet his palm, ancl lan! it on the brow- of the first town-born child. For many years it was the watering place, and, as il were, the wash-bowl of the vi cinity— whither all decent folks resorted, to pu rity their visages and gaze at them afterwards—■ at Last the pretty maidens did —in the mirror FRIDAY MORNING, BEDFORD, PA., SEPTEMBER 18,1857. | which it made. On Sabbath days, whenever a babe was too baptized, the sexton tilled his basin here, and placed it on the communion fable of the humble meetinghouse, which partly covered the site of yonder stately brick one. Thus one generation after another was consecrated to heaven by its waters, and cast their waxing and waning shadows into its glassy hosom. and vanished from the earth, as if immortal life were but a Buting image in a fountain. Final ly the fountain vanished also. Cellars were dug on all sides, and cat (-loads of gravel were Bung upon its source, whence oozed a turbid stream, forming a mud-puddle at the corner of lwo streets. ]n the hot months, vvh-n its re freshment was most needed, the dust flew in clouds over the forgotten birth-place of the waters now their grave. |{ n t i r) the course of time, a town pump was sunk into tin- source of the ancient spring; and when the first decayed, another took its place—and then another, and still another—tr N here stand 1, gentlertivn and ladies, to serve you with mv iron goblet. Drink and be refreshed ; | h, water is pure and cold a--that which slaked the thirst of the red Saga moie beneath the aged hough, though now the gem of the wilderness is treasured under these hot stones where no shadows fall but from the 'trick buildings. And In'it the moral of my sto ry, that as the wasted and long-lost fountain is now known and prized again, so shall the vir tues of cold water, too Irttie valued since your father s days, be recognized by all. Y'our pardon, good people; I must interrupt rny stream ol eloquence and spout forth a stream of water, t . replenish tin- trough for this team ster and his yoke otox-n, v\ bo have come from l opsfield, or somew here along that way. No part of tny business is pleasanier than the wa tering of rattle ! Look! how rapidly they low er the water-mark on the sides of the trough, till their capacious stomachs are moistened with a gallon or two a-piece, and thev can afford time to breathe it in, with sighs of cairn enjoy ment. Now they roll their eyes around tlie brim of Iheir monstrous drinking-vessel. An ox is a true toper. But I perceive, my dear auditors, that you are impatient for the remainder of my discourse. Impute it, I beseech you, to no defect ol modes ty. it 1 insist a little longer on so fruitful a top ic as my own multifarious merits, it is alto gether for your good. The belter you ttiink of me, the better men and women will you find yourselves. I shall say nothing of my ali-tu porlant aid on washing (lays: though on tbtt account alone, I might call myself the bousr hold god ot a hundred families. Far be it huh me also to hint, my respectable friends, at lb* show of dirty laces which vou would present without mv pants to keep yoti clean. Nor will I remind you how often, when the mid night bells make you tremble lor your combus tible town, you have Bed to Die Town Pump, and found me always at my j ost, firm amid the contusion, and ready to drain my vital current; in your behalf. Neither is it worth while lo lav much stiess on my claims to a medical di ploma, as the physician whose simple rule of practice is pieferutde to ad the nauseous iore which ha- found men sick, or left them so, since the davs ot Hippocrates. Let us take a broad er view of my beneficial influence on man kind. No : these are trifles compared with the mer its which wise men conceoe to me—it not in 111 v single sell, vel as the representative ola ' *• Class—of being the giand refutmer oi the age. I Ftour my Sjajot and arch spouts as mine, must flow ;he stiaaui that shall cleanse out earth of: the vast portion id its crime and anguish, which has gushed from the fiery fountains ol the still. , Jn Hits mighty the cow shall be my Confederate. Milk and watT ! file 'lousn Puma and the Cow! Such is the glorious cu partnership that shall tear down the distilleries and brew-nouses, uproot the vine-yards, shatter the cider-pros s, ruin Ihe tea and coffee Hade, ; and finally monopolize the whole business ol quenching thust. Blessed consummation 1 hen, Poverts shall pass away from the- land, find no hovel >o w retched, where no squalid ; form may shelter itself. Then disease, lor lack of other victims, shali gnaw its own tieait and die. Then Sin, if she do not die, shall lose hail ; her strength. Until now, the frenzy "f here ditarv fever lias raged in the human iiiood, ■ transmitted from sire to son, and rekindled, in : every get! 1 *ration, by fresh draughts of liquid flame. VV hen that inward fire shall be extin guished, the heat of passion cannot grow cool, and war—the dtunkenness ot nations —per- haps will cease. At least, there will be no war of households. The husband and wife, ill inking deep and peaceful joy a calm bliss of temperate affections—shall ( ass hand in j hand though life, and lie down, not reluctantly, at its protiacted close. lo them, the |>a.->t will be turmoil ol mad dreams, nor the futuie an e tei nit v "I such moments as follow the delirium of the drunkard. Iheir dead faces shail ex press what their spirits were, and are to be, by a lingering smile of memory and hope. Ahem! Drv work, this speechifying; es pecially to an unpt act iced orator. J never cou ceived" Oil now, what toil tlie temperance h-c --tuiers undergo for my sake. Hereafter, they shall have the business to themselves. Do, some kind Christian, pump a stroke or two, just to wet my whistle. i hank you, sir! My

dear hearers, When tlie world shall have been rt generated by my instrumentality, you will collect your useless vats and liquor casks into one grral pile, and make a bon-the in honor of the Town Bump. And when I shall have de cayed, like my predecessors, then, if you tevi-re mv memory, let a marble fountain, richly sculp tured, take my |>l acq upon the spot. Mich monument# should-be elected everywhere, and inscribed with the names of the distinguished j champions of my cause. Now listen; for some thin" very important is to come next. There are two or three honest friends of none . -and true friends I know they are-who nev- j erthel'iis, by their fiery pugnacity tu my be- j Freedom of Thought and Opinion. ! half, do put me in a fearful hazard of a broken nose, or even a total overthrow upon the pave ment, and the loss of a treasure which 1 guard. 1 pray you, gentlemen, let this fault be amend ed. Is il decent, think you, to get tipsy with zeal for temperance, and take up the honorable cause of the Town Bump, in the style of a toper fighting for his brandy bottle ! Or can the ex cellent qualities of cold water be no otherwise exemplified than by plunging, slap dash into hot wafer, and woefully scalding yourself and ; other people ? Trust me, they may. In the moral warfare which you are to wag' —and in deed in the whole conduct of your lives—you choose a better example than myself, who have never permitted the dust and suit: v atmosphere, tin-turbulent and manifold disquietudes of the world around me, to reach that deep calm well j of purity, which may he called mv soul, it is to cool earth's fever, or cleanse its stains. Oneo'clock! Nav, then, if the dinner-bell !) gins to speak, I irm v as well hold my peace. Here comes a pretty young gii I of rnv acquain tance, with a large stone pitcher for me to fill. I May she ritaw a husband, while drawing her; water, as Rachel did *of old ! Hold out your vessel, my dear! There it is, full to the brim : ; so now run home, peeping at your sweet image I iti the pitcher as vou go; ami lbrg't not, in a glass of my own liquor, to drink "SUCCESS TO ' rut: TOWN PUMI* !"— Hawthorne. SHOOTING-PIGEONS WITHOUT SHOT. A correspondent at Chillicothe, Ohio, under I date of February records, the following | anecdote as a veritable fact: A week or two since the woods and feeding lots around this city were 'perfectly alive' wittj : pigeons —JS indeed they are every tail and j spring. Among the many who seized their j double barreled guns anu lushed lo the slaught er was my friend K k, from Bucks county an eager sportsman; so eager upon this occasiou, indeed, that alter driving at~: 40 speed some i five or six miles out from the town, and seeing ins horse properly put away, he discovered vvitu 1 dismay tliat lie Dad it-it his shot bag at home! ! Here was a dilemma for you! And to make the j incident intolerable, the morning was simply perfect, and the birds setting and rising tn clouds! VV fiat was tube done! That was a question which Sam exhausted ins uige- j uuity, without arriving at any satisfactory con- j elusion. Having gyrated two or three limes around ttie eighty acre lot. to the music of some j profane exclamations, he became calm enough j to make up his miuu for the return trip pigeon- j less. Just at that moment he saw another; spoilsman drive up to pie fence near by, arid ! suun recognized Cupt. 11 . 'Ah, trow lucky!' thought Sam; *J can beg, buy, or borrow j some shot ol him. But—out—what if he has; a short supply, and declines a divide ill viewof ihe multitude of biids' Alii I have an idea!'j •Good morning, (.'apt . A beautiful! morning tnis, fur shooting; and the pigeons are | as thick us blackberries.' 'Coot n iijorgen, lien K k,' responded tile tiew comer, who is one ol the most gentle manly. but not one of the sharpest ot kraut and sausage consumers; 'me think we nave plenty ol shooter: dis day.-' 'Yes, plenty of spoil, Captain, But 1 say, Cap,, do Vou see you colfee nut tree at the edge ot the timber! its big leaves still hanging, look ! like pigeons., Now that tree will attract ali i the buds to light upon it. s'pose we build a ; blind theie, and shout together to-day? We j can take in a thousand or two 1 guess! •Very coot, Heir Jv k,' responded the j German,and in a few minutes Hie cornstalk blind was erected, and the sportsmen ensconced be-: hind it. ready lor business. On came the long iine of birds, circling around the leeding ground for a moment, and then settling upon the coflre nut tree in lens,' titties, hundreds. 'All n ady now, Captain?' whispered Sum. 'Y'ah' answered the exciter! captain. 'Fire to them, then'—bang! bang! went both j gum. and a dozen birds were Buttering on the, ground beneath the tree, besides two or three j that sailed oil wounded and were lost. 'Pretty weil done!'exclaimed Sam. 'But let them lie, Captain, we will gather up the spoils j when we get tired of killing.' And so they shot all dav lung, Sam takin<? ; especial pains to fire simultaneous!v with R; \ and when on one or two occasions, he accident- j ally filed alone, the'd d gun tiling lire,'or 'something go! in Ids eyejust at. lie pulled the ; trigger,' and resulted in a clear miss. In the evening they divided some one hundred and forty birds between them, and drove home in high glee over their good sport and heavy game bags. 1 o this hour, the captain lias not learned tlie fact that Sam did not fire a charge ol siiot ; all that day. HE DRINKS. —HOW that sentence falls on the ' ear! How the dark shadow sof coming despair • settle on the hearts of those whose life is bound up in his life! How his mother prays he may not become a drunkard; and his sisters hope he is sowing a few wild oats. But the old men see further and shake their heads when they hear he drinks! Y'oung men, standing on the thresh-I old of l ile, buoyant m hope and untried energy, don't drink! Y'our character, success and hao piness in life—your immortal destinies beyond 1 life are all at stake. Don't drink! 'Look not upon the wine when it giveth its color in the tup, for at list it bitetfi hke the serpent and stingeth like the adder.' How TO GET A HAT.— 'Say Pomp,you nig-, ger, whar vou get dat new hat?' 'Why, at de shop, of course.' 'What is de price of such an article as: dat?' 'J don't know, nigger—l don't know; iJc shop I keeper wasn't ilar' pleasing than dew-drops that; sparkle upon the roses, are tears thai pity gath- ; ers upon the cheek of beauty. THE POWER OF Ml SIC. In looking over an old newspaper, printed several years ago, I came across this beautiful piece, which struck me arbeiog true to na ture : "'Couldn't cos he suhgso!' Leaning idly over a fence a few days since, we noticed a little four-year old 'lord of creation," amusing himself in the grass by watching the frolicsome flight of birds; which were playing around him. At length a beautiful bohalink perched on a bough of an apple tree, which extended within a few yards of" the place where the boy sat, and maintained his position, apparently unconscious of his close proximity to one whom birds usu ally consider a dangerous neighbor. "The bov seemed astonished at his impu dence, and, after regarding hiin steadily lor a ; minute or two, obeying the instinct of his haser pait, he picked up a stone lying at his feet, and was preparing to throw it. steadying himself for a good aim. The little arm was drawn backwards without alarming the bird, and 'boh' was'within an ace' of danger, when lo! tits throat swelled, and forth came nature's plea:— 'a-link, a-iink, a-link, bob-a-link, a-non-sweet, a-no-sweet! I know it, I know it, a-link, a link, don't throw it, throw it, throw it, &.C., — and he didn't. Slowly the little arm fell to its natural position, and now the despised stone dropped. The minstrel charmed the murderer! VVe heard the songster through, and watched his unharmed flight, as did the boy with a sor rowful countenance. Anxious to hear an ex pression of the little fellow's feelings, we ap proached him, and inquired: 'Why, didn't you stone him, my boy? you might have kiiled him and carried him home.' j "The poor little fellow looked up doubtinglv as though lie suspected our meaning, and, with an expression, half shame, and half sorrow, he replied: " l CoulJn'l cos he sung so ." " Who will say that music hath no charms to j soothe the savage breast, or aver that God halh j not made melody to move the purer fountain of ■ our nature, to awaken those sympathies that are kindred to heaven, the angels, and to God him i self. Let the sweet Jones of the music break j upon the ears of the dull school boy, and he will awake with life and energy. Pour the | notes of melody into the ears of a wilful child and you disarm him: the stone will fall from his heart,and he will become obedient and atten tive. Let music be first to break tile silence of the school room in the morning, and the chords !of young hearts that are put in motion will continue to vibrate during the day. Happv will be the time, wheft not onlv the tones of our school-bells can be heard all over the land, but when the notes of our school children, in the morning, breaking upon the silent atmosphere along the Atlantic coast in the East, shall rever berate along the Gulf of Mexico, and the echo be heard in California.' . ! SPEAK KINDLY TO VOI R MOTHER. Young man, speak kindiv to vour mother, and courteously, tenderly of her. But a little time, and you shall see her no more forever.— Her eye is dim, her form is bent, and her shadow hills toward the grave. Others may love you fondly, but never again while time is yours, shall anyone's love be to you as that of vour old, trembling, weakened mother has been. Through helpless infancy her throbbing breast was your safe protection and support; in wayward, testy boyhood, she bore patiently with your thoughtless rudeness: she pursued vou safe ly thiough ah gion of ills and maladies. Her hand bathed your burning brow, or moistened your parched lips: her eyes lighted up the darkness of nightly vigils, watching sleepless •by your side as none but her could watch. O, speak not her name lightly, for you cannot live so many years as would suffice to thank her fullv. Through reckless and im patient youth, she is your counsellor and solace. To a bright man hoot! she guides your steps to improvement; nor ever forsakes nor forgets.— Speak gently, then, and reverently of your mother; and when you, too, shall be old, it shall in some degree lighten the remorse which shall be yours tor other sins, to know that never ; wantonly have you outraged the respect due to your aged mother. 05^'My son,' said an indulgent father to an only representative of himself, 'you should al ways think three times hptore vou speak.' One day as the father and son were standing al the fire, the former's coat tail caught fire without his noticing it. The son though he would 'think a little' and said: 'Father, I think.' ' VV ell, what my son?' 'But father, I think.' 'What do you think?' 'VV hy, father, I think your coat tails on fire,' cried he, getting out of the room for fear of feeling his father's boot. \ OTf 'VV hat is the matter, sir,' said a druggist. 'Well, 1 have eaten some oyster-, and I guess that is the trouble.' 'Have vou eaten anything else?' Well, no—why, yes, I did, too—that is, I took for my tea a mince pie, four bottles of ale, and two glasses of gin, and I have eaten the oysters since, anil T really believe the ovs lers wasn't good for me!' A man's impressions are often involun tarily betrayed hy his almost unconscious excla mattonsupon his encountering something strange and unexpected. Running .against a surprise, is much like running against a post—it forces the breath out of your mouth before vou have time to consider how vou shall modulate it. I :; v' 1 lie woman who made a pound of but ter from the cream of a joke, and a cheese from tire milk of human kindness, has since washed the close of a year and hung em to drv on a ; bee line. TERMS, $2 PER YEAR. NEW SERIES VOL 1, NO. 7. A SOFT PLACE. "1 was down to see the widow yesterday," said rim's uncle, "and she crave me back-bonea for dinner. I went down rather early in the morning;; we talked, and laughed, and chatted and run on, she going out and in occasionally to see to things till dinner was ready, when she helped me graciously to back-hones. Now I look it as a sympton of personal approbation, because everybody knows I love back bones, and I flattered myself that she had cooked therr> on purpose for me. So I grew particularly cheerful, and I thought I could see it in her toov So, after dinner, while sitting close beside the widow. I fancied we both felt sorter comforta ble like—l know I did. I felt that I had fallen head and ears and heart in love with her, and I imagined, from the way she looked she had fallen teeth and toe-nails in love with me. She appeared just for all the world like she thought it was a coming, and I was go ing to court her. Presently, I could'nt help it, J laid my hand softly upon her beautiful shoul der, and 1 remarked, when 1 had placed it there, in my blandest tone, Tim, for I had tried to throw my whole soul in tile expression, I remarked then with my eyes pouring love, truth, and fidelity right into'her,~'Widow, this is tlie nicest, softest place I ever had rny hand, in all my life.' "Looking benevolently at me, and at tire same time flushing up a little, she said, in melt ing and winning tones: 'Doctor, give me your hand, and I'll put it on a much softer plac-*.' "In a moment of rapture I consented, and taking my hand she gently, very gently, Tim, and quietly laid it on my head—and buist into a laugh that's ringing in my ears yet. "Now, Tim, I havn't told this to a living soul but you, and by jinks! you musn't; but I could not hold it any longer, so I tell you: but mind, it musn't go any further.— Spirit of I fie Times. Cooke, the tragedian, was in the habit of giving orders to a widow lady, who was once sitting in the pits with her little girl, when their friend, the performer, was about to be stabbed by his stage rival. Housed by the supposed im minence of his danger, the girl started up, ex claiming, "Ob! don't kill him, sir—don't kill him. (or, ifyou do, he won't give us any more pit orders!" Her disinterested grief, like the gratitude of some people, was a lively sense pf benefits to come. A fast voting m3n, returning elated from an evening's carouse, spied a portly figure shiver ering in the cold. He ci as perl the lone damsel in his arms, kissed !IP~ smooth, icv face, and sympathizingly inquired why she ventured out "without her bonnet?" An observant po liceman saw him hugging the round-headed cast iron "pillar-post" erected there the prive ous morning. weeks ago a vagabond was convict ed in Illinois of stealing two watches. He made a pathetic speech after his conviction, ascribing his failure in business and all his mis fortunes in life, to 'procrastination.' He seems to have been the embodiment of procrastination, which, the poet tells us, is'the thief of time.' SHOCKING CATASTROPHE.—A romantic father whose name was Rose, called bis daughter "Wild," so that she grew up under the appella tion ot "Wild Hose." But in a tew vears the girl fell in love with and married a man named Bull, which sadly interfered with the romance of the lady's name, "Wild Bull!" One of the newspapers inquires w'rffi much seeming innocence, if it is any harm lor voung ladies to sit in the laps of ages. Somebody an swers that it probably depends on the kisd of ages selected—those from eighteen to twenty five being rather hazardous. James Lambart, a voung Englishpedestri an. has accomplished at Boston, the wonderful teat of walking a 1000 miles in a thousand hours. He walked the last mile in 1 Cminutes and 10 seconds; and then ran several times around the track. KF""'Keep your best foot foremost,' savs thp adage. But, if there is any difference between a man's feet, and he keeps the best foremost all the time, he must either stand still forever, or move very awkwardly. fLF"The captain of a Western band of regu lators boast that ho has'fifty picked men" under his command. If they are not careful, they may get tarred and feathered, and then they will need picking again. The botanists tell us that there is no such thing in nature as a black flower. We sup- / pose they never heard of the "Coal Black Hose." IF"Why is a chicken running like a man , whipping his wife? Because it's a fowl pro ceeding. No, because he's trotting her through. The saying that there is more pleasure in giving than receiving, is supposed to apply chiefly to kicks, medicine and advice. When an orator raves about love of country, half the time he means Jove of talking arid the other half love ot pocket. Why are potatoes and corn like certain sin ners of old ? Because having eyes they see not, and having ears they hear not. A coquette is a rose-bush, from which each young beau plucks a leaf,and the thorns are left for the husband. Young men who would prosper in love should woo gentlv. It is not fashionable for young ladies to take ardent spirits. "Are vou mate of the ship ?" asked an em igrant of the cook, who was an Irishman. "No sir ; I'm the man who cooks the mate." "Do vou enjoy good health ?" "Yes," was the reply, "whodosen't!"