Newspaper of Bedford Gazette, October 30, 1857, Page 1

Newspaper of Bedford Gazette dated October 30, 1857 Page 1
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IIV MEIERS AREAEO It 11. WHOLE NO. 2768. VOL 53. Select P c ct r ji. A HOUSEHOLD DIRGE. r.V R. ir. STODOARD. I've lost my little May at last; She perished in the Spring. When earliest flowers to bud, And earliest bird, to sing ; 1 laid her ui a country grave, A green and soft retreat ; A marble tablet o'er her bead, And violets at her feet. I would that she were back again, In all her childish bloom ; My joy and hope have followed her. My heart is in her tomb— -1 know that she has goue away, 1 know that she has tied, 1 nu-s her everywhere, and yet I cannot thn k-dier dead I I sit within my quiet rooin Alone, and wnte fur hour?, And ml-, lhe little maid again Among the window flower, ; And mi,, her with her toys beside My derk in silent play ; And then 1 tuiju and look for her, But she has flown away*. I drop mv idle pen, and hand, And catch the faintest sound; She must he p faying hide-and-seek In shady nooks mound; She II come and climb my chair again r And peep my shoulders o'er ; I hear n stilled laugh—but no, She eoutetb nevermore! I waited only vesternight, • > I fbe evening service read, And lingered lor mv idol's kiss Belore she went to bed ; i'orgeiiuig she hud gone before, iissfamber* soil and sweet ; A marble tablet at her head, And violets at her feet ! —The National Hotel at Washington, D. C., has been leased bv .Messrs. F. Tennent & Co., and they are fitting up the house for the winter sea<on. The house will be opened about the middleot next month. Mr. Tennent is an old stager in the hotel business, bavibg been tor the greater part ot his iile the proprietor ola iiist tlass hotel in New Hampshire. —lt was r pirted in Pittsburgj Pa., on Fri day, t fiat Mr. J'. Backhouse, one of the Repub lican members elect to the Hodse, front.Alle gheny county who had been ill lor some months died at his residence in Ohio township that mor ning, of consumption. If true, a special election will be held in January, to fill the vacancy. —! he editor ot the Washington Siufes assures his readers that it is not true that Judge Douglas has sustained heavy losses by the depreciation ot U esteni lands ami stocks, tie ha on the contrary the best authority tor saving that Hon. Mr. Dou glas and Han. M-. Uice intend to continue the handsome improvements they are making in that city, by the erection ot other building* next spring. —A charter election held in .Newark on Tues day I3:h inst., r. suited in a Democratic triumph. Moss Bigelow, Democrat, was elected Mayor by about ~SOO plurality, with the whole city ticket ot the Democrats. They also elected nine out of the twelve Aldermen, giving them a majority of t-n in the Common Council—a gain of four. Ibe me ru be; s of the Jeul eh p>ersoasj')ll throng (rout tin- c .untry are taking up tlie so >ject rd a ti* at v entered into by the government ol the I luted Slates with the Swiss conledeiatiun, and ' have resolved to tend delegates from every State j in the I nioij to Wa.shiagton. to iav ttieirgriev- j ances be tore the President of the United States. | I lie several delegations will meet a'. Baltimore j on the 29th of October. i here appear at present 510 journals at j •n i.-, of which fx ty are dedicated to politics,; and tne remaining 1-70 to literature, art,science, | and m..finances. From the Ist of January to the dn ot August ot this var, 10S uewjourn a s have appeared in the French metropolis. It i< stated that one-fifth of the cultivated J '"1 ' n England is sown annually in wheat. I Ihe average yield is given a? 33 ' bushels per •icie, which we think is more than double the average ot this country. --Johri Brawny has been appointed Collector I ot £rie, Pennsylvania, in place of James Lytle, —Eov-rndr Waik-r d-fends the voting of s >l - at kicKHpoo, on the ground tfiat being six i m-nt!,, enrolled ia tin- service they were con- ; Stltuted CitZ'fls. I - Mr. fix-President FILLMORE is about to ! main a .Montreal lady. Exchange. I 'u, tie wickedness and backsliding of this generation! The gnat he Know Nothing, the pa march of the tribe, is going to marry a fur "gner ; and, what is more, a Catholic ! And, j s mo#, h- actualtv participated in the a no.ic vvorship a! Montreal, during a recent ■>" to his | a dy loi'rj Oh for lanpe curse in the i-'i.i „erp enough to reach such awful v ~ h > Ji n n apoti s Jo urn of. ffl i.3c cll anco us. ALEXANDER GRANT; The Man who Couldn't he Drowned. We find an admiiable likeness of Alexan der Grant, in Harpers' Weekly, of the 17th inst., one of the few hands of the steamship Central America who were rescued from the ! fate which overwhelmed so many hundred hu ' man beings - . Grant was a fireman, and was picked up, as every one knows, after nine days' ; exposure on the ocean. I His - history is singular. He is a; twenty six years ago, he was born in the Gut of Canso, in the British province of Nova Scotia. He was predestined to be a sailor.—As a child he was inordinately fond of the sea. He was the best swimmer of his acquaintance and abso lutely lived in the cold, bracing water of the guif - . no boy or man could remain so long in ! deep water as he. : V\ heri he was thirteen he went to sea, in a blind Nova Scotiati fishing schooner, with cold 1 nights, h ir.l work, poor pay, bad fare, and ev i ery discomfort in prospect, fie seems to have ; rather liked it thart otherwise, lie was, at ali events, faithful to the sea, and three vears af terward fie was a deck hand on loird the bng antine Atlas, from Windsor. Nova Scotia, bound fir Fall River with a cargo of coal. To the said bngantine il befell that, at one hundred miles from Boston or thereabouts, a storm of frightful magnitude interrupted her i voyage, and, after minor casualties, dismasted and crippled her. Iri the tudi of falling masts I the mate, like the ship, was crippled, and in | that sea, the immediate prospect was death. Young Grant avows that he was "much surpri sed" by the wonderful nearness of Davy Jones. : He bore up nevertheless, be iri the nick of time, i ; the good ship Amazon, of Holland, sailed up , and took him and his messmates on board. Thpy were hardly ensconced in safety behind (he bulwarks of the A mazon,wiien the briganline gave a heavy lurch, and reeled downward to the bottom. On the strength of this narrow escape fiom drowning, Alexander Grant went to sea j again. Kept going to sea, in a!! kinds of ves sels, in all sorts (if weathers, until he rose to be a fireman on board the Arctic. Stulfed , her fires, and smoked his pipe in her coal rooms, i year after year: betimes beguiling the heavy watch hours with the tale of his wonderful j j shipwreck on board the brigantine Atlas. He was coming off his watch, one cold, i misty day, and the Arctic Wai tearing through i f icy water affrf'fog at tie rate of thirteen miles 1 j an hour, when Lump—bump—the Arctic was j i surely on a rock. Up flew* Grant and his fel low firemen, and saw on the starboaid few*, a sinking steamer, with "the bows knocked out | 'of her." Over went the boat, and down went ! a few bravp men—their only thought to save j the crew of the vessel thev believed they ha ! ! murdered; and then, in the gauzy fog, the shattered stranger slowly dissolved from view, and an agony of siispehse ;is to her fate thrilled every heart on board the Arctic. Minute after minute, quarter after quarter, half hour after haff hour, elapsed, and rv> news jof the luckless vessel : and then news came that th- Arctic too was the worse fir the shock, and was making water rapidly. Nautical ma riceuvrcs there were—which all of us rem-m --ber—designed to lighten the ship Ibr'ard, and 1 throw the weight of her on the hale part —the i I stem Grant worked manfully with t lie ofh i err. But as the day wore on, and two and ' three o'clock came in thai dvadly, cruel fog, i : the doomed steamer sank lower and lower in the naves ; and everybody knew that death j was approaching. The agony culminated as ' four o'clock drew near ; and Grant, with the ! experience of one shipwreck in his mind, pre- j pared for the worst. With one of his mess mates he sized (lie fore hatch ami threw it over- ' board a few moments before the Arctic sank. Happily, it stitick the watei in advance of the ship, and thus avoided the -whirlpool of the fi nal catar ophe. Grant and hts companion found themselves, a few minutes after lour, a lone on file ocean, in bitterly Cold water and a heavy sea. They could see fragments of the wreck floating at a distance, and they fancied human beings were clinging to them ; but the ! waves ran so high that they were soon alone 1 with the waters around and heaven above them. j They were obliged to stand in the fore hatch ; with the water nr> to their waists, arid the sea constant I v breaking over them : th-y held on; hv a rone which they had fastened for the pur post-. That flight they managed to mamnin > their hold without difficulty. Shortly after morning broke they saw a sail : to their inex pressible delight -he was hearing dmvn upon j them ; they watched her, minute by minute,! with an anxiety which cannot b<* pictured. Be fore boon she shifted her Course, and their j hearts died away as they watched her gradually ! diminishing, till she disappeared altogether. Oil, what a despairing moment that was! But be fore sunset on that day another sail hove in sight. They watched her intently : she too was bearing down upon them ; in an hour or j two, at most, she would be near enough to see , them. They comforted each other. They j talked of their providential escape- They watched the stranger as her topmasts, her mam- 1 sail, and even her hull came into view. They j addressed her. Tliev w - ere readv to shout to her. ; They forgot the try coldness of the water, and ; tile agonies of long-suppressed hunger. But while t hey were gazing the wind shitted ' and, almost within sight of them, Urn strange ship jibbed her sails and went off on another tack.— Night fell on a blank horizon. Another night of standing in that cold wa- j ter. without food of drink, with the bleak New foundland wind blowing over them, well nigh exhausted Grant's strength. Neither he u o r his companion talked much next moruing. They | scanned the horizon silently, and saw nothing. ! Hunger and thirst and fatigue were doing their work: a heavy wave came and washed them BEDFORD, PA.. FRIDAY MORNING, OCTOBER 3D, 1557. j oft their frail support. It tasked their stren* th |to the utmost to regain their place. Hour alter , hour wore on, and their clutch of the rope grew more and more feeble. Their le-s were suffering with the cold. At noon they saw a sail. Thev had been so cruelly disappointed that they hardly dared to hope, nut they looked earnestly and steadily jat the stranger. She too was" bearing down upon tltem. Every quarter of an hour they I could perceive her increase in size. Jt seemed doubtful whether at best, she could , help them, tor the sea was running very high, I and Grant and his companion were being con stantly washed off the hatch. Eight times that j day Grant was swept into the sea. hen the strange ship was a mile or so dis tant she hoisted a flag. What a thrill it sent to the hearts of the poor fellows ! They knew what it meant. That piece of stuff ; told them in plainest language that there was : help near. lhey were washed off again and again, hut j nearness of salvation gave them strength to regain their hold. It was six hi ihe evening— six hours after Grant had first seen her —that lhe Cambria sailed up and took them on board. I thought then" says Grant, "that I had stiff 1 jfied as much us mortal man could." He .had been fifty hours in the water. Captain Luce was on board, and they were well cared for till their arrival at (Quebec, whence tfiey made the best of their-way to New Yoik. Having been thus rescued tw ice, almost by a miracle, from thejaws of death, Giant mai i i*d a pretty young girl of his acquaintance and went to sea again. 1 here was evidently a , fatality about it. He sailed in the Crescent Cuy as a fireman. One day he was b-low, at his post, w hen bump, bump,— the oicf. familiar sound—and Grant ran on deck to find the sjop last on the reef off the Little Bahamas. 1 here was otiecomfort—the steamer seemed to enjoy being on the reel: true j should she happen to cl ange her mind, there ■ were the sharks in abundance all arotir.d, and : very evidently there was no chance for any one i who gpt overboard there. Happily the Wea ther was fair, and before a stoim came on,w reck ing vessels from the Bahamas came sailing out and took everybody safely olf. So Ibis was an improvement in the shipwrecking vvav. Grant fell as though he was falling off in the wav of j adventure. He was not doomed to suffer long under his j disappointment. He left Havana in high spir l its, eager to meet his young wife ( and littb-j j child, who live herp, when the Central Amer j ica was overtaken by the gale, and being either j unseaworthy or in charge of an unfaithful on | gineer, foundered at sea. For some hours before she went clown. Grant, I who must have been good authority on ship ! w reck-, foresaw Iter fate; and though he dis j daitied the use of a life preserv-r, wrought hard | to provide an escape for himself and a few oth -1 ers by cutting loose a portion of the liuirfcane deck. About five minutes before she -ai-k he was below. Feeling her ris- on the side of a j heavy sea, he foresaw that the )ast,inpment had ' probably come, and rushed on deck. ./..There he found that his rait had already- been launched from the hows of the steamer, and that men were leaping on hoard. He instantly jumped, j and was ordered by an officer to cut the rait j loose. This done, the Central America went down. Grant and his companions being al i most the only persons of her crew and passen ! gers who were not submerged by the vortex she : created in sinking. When the first shock was over they found ! themselves, ten in number, on a raft part of ' the hurricane (feck—some twelve f'ert square.. The weight of so many persons sank the raft a . couple of feet in water, so that all funds had to { stand up. It was a dark night, and lhey could ; not see a hundred vaids before them ; but they i Iv-ard des pairing cries for help during the whole night. Next morning there were iuit few persons in .sight, and those 100 far off lo oiler thent a place on the raft. Mr. Dawson, howe". er, who was swimming on a plank, made his way to the raft, and obtained standing room on if. \ acant places enough were made during Ihe day.— Before noon one poor fellow became delirious I iroin drinking salt-water and fell off, arid before 1 night three more died, partly from fever produ • ceil by drinking salt-water and partly from ex i haustion. Toward evening another passenger was picked up. During that night four more of the tenants of the rail perished—when and how flie survivors hardly knew . !he sea in ! ces-anlly wa,sh - d over Ihem, and they only no ticed the deaths by peireiving, alter a heavy wave had swept over the raft, that there was a vacant place. When Monday had dawned there were but four persons on tbe raft. M /iiday passed, dull and dreary ; hunger anil thirst telling severely on Grant and his com panions. The raft was now so that they could kneel, the water being barely a foot deep; and in this kneeling position they contrived to sleep. On Tuesday they fell in with a passen ger who was in part of the captain s room. They offered him a place on their raft, but he declared that he was better off #s lie w as, as he •could paddle himself around, and pick up any tiling lie saw. So thev parted—perhaps never to meet again. Next day two of the four ten ants of the rait became deranged and fell off, leaving now only two persons on it —Grant, the side survivor of the original ten, and Daw son, the passenger w ho had been picked up. "On Thursday, the filth day," says Grant, "I saw a boat about three miles off, but could not tell whether there was any one in it or not, but thought there was. I resolved, however, to reach "it ifpossible, and accordingly J dives ted myself of all but my under clot hes, and ty in* a "life preserver around me, I jumped into the <ea and swam toward tbe boat with all my mifott. I can no! say how long it was before I finally reached the boat; but before I got to her I discovered a man sitting down and trying to scull the boat toward me. On reaching the Freedom of Thought and Opinion. i ' sidf o<" the boat, the man (who proved to be ■ Air. Tice) helped me in. The boat, which, • when secured by Mr. Tice, was full of water, ■ had been bailed out by bini through the aid of a bucket and tin pan which he had found in it, > in addition to three oars in good order which > had remained in the boat after being swamped.

The hole in the bottom ot the boat for allowing the water to drain out on bring taken on board ship, and which was open when discovered by Mr. Tick, had been plugged up by him by a a thole-pin, so that when I got into her she was in tine trim. Air. Tice and myself imme diately pulled the boat as fast as possible to the hurricane deck, and took Mr. Dawson in. He was as strong as either of us, as we had all been without food from twelve o'clock at noon of the Saturday before and were completely exhaust ed, as we had been incessantly at work for some thirty-six hours before the ship went down, in trying to save her, and none of us hart cared to eat but a very little during the whole of that time. Alter taking Dawson on board we allowed the boat to drift with the wind to seaward, not being able to help our selves if we hid wished, and not knowing which way to pull." Oil Sunday—the eighth day of the ship wreck—a sad was seen ; but alter tantalizing the sufferers lor a couple of hours, she disap peared. it was not until Monday—the ninth day—that the brig Mary, of Greenock, Scot land hove in sight,discovered tfie boat and took Grant and his comrades on board. We believe that Grant's escape is unparal lelled. Pacing over the fact that he i;<id taken little or nothing lor thirty six hours before the steamship went down, he had been nine dutjs without food or water, during luiir days of which fie was in the his sufferings as unspeakable. lie sudeied but little from hunger after the second ciay. In deed, when some of the party secured a dog hall which had stranded itself on the rait, he found himself incapable oi swallowing any of it. For days after his escape his stomach was unable to bear anything but gruel. But lor wa ter lie would have given worlds. He had strength of will enough to resist drinking salt water; and the only liquid he tasted during Ins agony was a Jit t It* rain water which fell the day before the party was iescued. He thinks that he imbibed a certain quantity of water through tfie pores of the skin—being constantly wet—and thus saved himself from the fever which a week's thirst would naturally pro i duce. Poor fellow ! He is sadlv pulled down, and will not be able to resume work for some time. He was once a stout, muscular man. As he says, never had any illness, and never hurt myself by drink or other foolishness." His wife, who ciies with joy when she looks at htm, says she would hardly have known him. When the writer called to see him at his boarding house, No. 36 \antiam street, he en tered into conversation with him about his es cape, and turning to a pretty young woman who was present, observed that she must have been agreeably surprised by the return of her i husband. She burst into a paroxyism of tears, and ex claimed ; , ! '•Oh I I'm not so lucky. Mv husband isn't 1 saved. 111 never see him again !" fc-t us hope that her husband, and many of tlie other passengers and crew of the Central America, may vet he loard from. W'e believe i that we shall yet hear of many more escapes.— Meanwhile, let ns alone hope that this poor woman—whose mislottnnecan hardiv be surpassed by any that the mind can imagine— may not lack friends in this great and Christian city. TilC SPiIYiW. Near the pyramids, more wondrous, and moie awful than all else in tfie land of Egypt there sits the lonely sphvnx. Comely the crea ture is, but the comeliness is not of this world : tbe once worshipped beast is a deformity, and a monster to this generation, and yet you tan see that tiiose lips, so thick and heavy, w ere fash ioned according to son.e ancient mould of beau ty —some mould of beauty now forgotten—for gotten, because that Greice iiiew forth Cvthe rea from the flashing loamot t!ie Alegeuo, and in her image created new forms of beauty, and made it a law among men that the short and proudly wreathed lip shouid stand for the sign and the main condition ol loveliness, through all generations to come. Yet still there lives on the race of those .who were beautiful in (he fashion of Ihe elder worid : and Christian girls ol Coptic blood, will look on you with the sad, serious gaze, and kiss youi charitable baud with tlie big. pouting lips ot the very Sphynx. Laugh and mock if you w ill at the worship of stone idols, but mark ve this, ye breakers of images, that I:I one regard, the stone idol bears awful semblance of Deity—unchangelulness in the midst of change—the same seeming will and intent, forever and ever inexorable! Cp on ancient dynasties ol Ethiopian and Egyptian king.-—upon ( reek and Roman, upon A:ab arid Ottoman conquerers—upon .Napoleon dreaming of an Eastern Empire— u|*m battle and pestilence—upon the ceaseless misery ol the Egyptian race—upon keen-eyed travellers— Herodotus yesterday, and Warburton to dav— u|x>n all the-p & more, this wot Idly Sphvnx has watched,and watched like a Providence, with the same earnest eyes, and the same sad, tran quil mien. And we, we shall die, and Islam will wither away ; and the Englishman, lean ing far over to hold his loved India, will plant a him foot on the hanks of the Nile, and sit in the seats of the faithful, and still that sleepless . rock will lie watching and watching the works of the new, busy race, with those same sad, earnest eyes, and the same tranquil mien ever lasting. You dare not mock at the Sphvnx.— 1 Eoihen. WITTY RUT WICKF.II. — A sour fellow savs that he always looks under the niariiage head \ for the news of the weak. ASPECTS OF OCR LARGE CITIES i When men die, corruption commonly begins after death, hut when nations die, it always begins before it. And, as in that man's gang rened extremities, and swollen feet,and slow cir culation, I see tlie heralds of death approaching —in these godless masses sunk in ignorance, lost to the profession of religion, and even to the de cent habits ol civilized society, I see the most alarming signs of a nation's danger—unless remedies are promptly applied, the unmistake able forerunners of a nation's death. Unless early, active, adequate measures are employed to arrest the progress of our social maladies, there remains for this mighty empire no late but the gravr—that grave which has .closed overall that have gone before it. Whi-re are tlie Assy rian and Egyptian monarchies? Where is the world wide power of Rome? Egypt lies en tombed amid the dust of her catacombs. Assyria is buried beneath the nioundsof Nine vah. Rome lives only in the pages of history, survives but in the memory of her greatness,and the majestic ruins of tlie "Eternal City." Shall our fate iesemble ihpirs? Shall it go to prove that Providence has extended the same law of mortality to nations that lies on men—that Ihev also should struggle through the dangers ola precarious infancy, grow up into the beauty, and burn with the ardor of youth, arrive at the vigor of perfect manhood, and then, slowly sink ing, pass through the blindness and decay of old age, until tbey drop into the tomb? 1 nder God, it depends upon ourselves whether that shall, or sha l not, be our fate. Matters are not so far gone but it may yet be averted. A great French general, who reached the bat tie-field at sun-down, found thai the troops of ins country had been worsted in the light; unskillful ar rangements had neutralized Gallic bravery, and offered the enemy advantages which thv were not slow to seize. He accosted the unfortunate j commander: having rapidly learned how mat-: ters stood, lie pulled out his watch, turned his i eyes on the sinking sun, and .-aiJ—"There's j time yet to gain the victory." He rallied the broken ran ks; he placed himself at their hpad, and launching them, with the arm of a giant in war, upon the columns of the loe, he plucked the prize from their hands—won the day.— There is no time lo lose. To our case, perhaps, may be applied the words, which would leave a solemn warning to every worldly, careless, Christian man, "Behold, now is the accepted ; time; behold, now is the day of salvation."— Dr. Guthrie. GOOD A capital story is told of a young fellow who on* Sunday strolled into the village church, and was electrified and gratified bv the sparkle of a pair of brilliant black eves, which were riveted upon his face. After service, he saw the possessor of the witching orbs leave the church a loop, and emboldened bv her glances, he vpnturedto follow her, his heart aching with rapture. He saw her look behind, and fancied she evinced some emotion at recognizing him.— j He then quickened his pace, and she actually slackened her-', as if to let him come up with her but we will permit the young gentleman to tell the rest in his own way : ' Noble young creature!" thought T— "her warm and artless heart is superior to the bonds of custom." "I reached within a stone's throw of her.— She suddenly halted, and turned her face to wards nie. Aly heart swelled to bursting. 1 ; : reached the spot where she stood. She began : to speak, and I took off my hat as if doing rev- I rence to an angel." "Are you a peddler?" "No my dear girl: that is not my occupa tion." "Well, I don't know," continued she, not very bashfully, and eyeing me very sternly, "I thought, when I saw you in the meeting house, that you looked like the peddler who passed off a pewter half dollar on me about ; three weeks ago, and so I was determined to keep an eye on you. Brother John has <rot home, now, and he says if he catches the feller, he'll wring his neck for him; and I ain't sure but you're the good for-nothing rascal after all." Projessor Do eat icks. —Doesticks is immor talized and lie did it hunseli. He has gone in to lite patent Medicine business, and become a j Picjfessor. His fortune i- made. He is a "Teat man, and a universal benefattor. Hear him tell how it was done ; "Bought a gallon of tar, a cake of beeswax, and a firi-in of lard, and to twenty-one hours f presented lo the world the first batch of Pra tt ssor Doesticks' Patent Self-Acting Four Horse Power Balsam, if. signed to cure a?l diseases of mind, body, or estate ; to give strength to the weak, money to the poor, bread and butter to the hungry, boots to the barefoot, decency to i the blackguard, and honor to the politician. ]t i acts physically, morally, psychologically and geologically, and is intended io make our sub lunary sphere a blissful paradise." 1 HF POOR BOY. —Don't be ashamed, my good I id, it you have a patch on your elbow. It is no mark of disgrace. It speaks .well for your industrious mother. lurour pait, wy would rather see a dozen patches on your jacket than hear one protane or vulgar word escape from your lips, or smell the lumes of tobacco in your bieath. _\"o good boy w ill slur you because vou cannot dress as well as your companion-, and if a bad hoy sometimes laughs at your appearance, say nothing, mv good lad, but walk on. We know many a rich and good man who was once .as poor as you. I ear God, my boy, and if you are poor, but honest, you will be respected—a great deal more than if you were the son of a rich man, and were addicted to bad habits. An editor, who was short of travelling funds, sat upon a horse-saw for afi imaginary journey in the country, and wrote letters home for his paper. An indirect way of getting a glass of wa ter at a boarding house, is to call ftr n third cup of tea. r j TERMS, PER YEAR. NEW SERIES VOL 1, NO. 13. £j it in crcus. CONUNDRUM n.e following appeared, a lew days ago, in the ' Charleston Courier: '•Why's D like marriage?" asked the maid Whose troth to me is plighted, I blushed in sooth and hnng my head. While she seemed quit* delighted. ANSWER. | "Come, answer me," continued she, > | "And don't be long about it : | j You stupid fellow, can't you see, 11 e can't be wed without it." 1 he Boston Pott is entitled to the credit of she following exquisite "pome" "On Lake Ontary:" Green are thy waters, green as bottled grass, Behold them stretched thar; I" ine rnosolonges and Oswego basa j is chietiy ketched tba:. Wunst the red Injens thar tuck thar delights fit, and bled ; Now most of the inhabitants is whites, With nary red. A DISSATISFIED MAN OF WAR.— John Fitz gerald enlisted on Saturday in the United Slates Army, ibr the purpose of putting down "them ere saints of Utah." On Moiidav alter noon Mr. Fitzgerald appeared at the New York police offce to enter complaint against the U niterj States lor "obtaining soldiers under lalse pretences. Mr. Fitzgerald was slightly inp i briated. I "What do you want ?" '■A warrant (hiccup)'gainst States of Me r i- I ky." '•For What ?" ; "False (hiccup), false "tences. For obtJHN , ing soldiers by laise tences (hiccup.) "In what respect ?" "They agr-ed to give i n e eight dollars a i month and a first rate euit of clothes (hiccup). | fail that a suit ol clothfs f Look at that coat —so short waisted in the back, it lilts you off the ground (hiccup.) Look at them pants (hic cup.') So long waisted in the seat, might use the slack (hiccup) for a hack room to" sleep in." "And for that you want a warrant for false pretences against the government?" "I dont' want nothing else (hiccup.) I'm not to be done by such a pair of trowsvrs no day.' , !he Justice refused to grant a warrant, whereupon Mr. Fitzgerald left the office pro mising to write to the President, and have "a nother pair of trowsers, or blood." The mo ment President Buchanan's letter is received, we shall publish it, as a matter of course. have testified, Mr. Dotty, that in your opinion my client is a blackguard." ••I have." "What reason have you, sir, for such an o piiiion ?" "The company he keeps." "Whose company, sir ?" "Yours." "'Don't insult me, sir !" "Are you ashamed of the character and con duct of your client ?" "A oii are a blackguard." "Your associations enable you to be a good ! judge of the article." i "You may go, sir. May the court please j call the next witness?" ; AN OI.D BUT GOOD ONE.—A Frenchman who had deposited a sum of money for safe keeping with a friend, hearing the latter was about to fail, called upon the man and said, "Sare, 1 | wants mv monie." "Certainly, sir," replied | tiie other, drawing out his check book, trom i which lie was about to fill up a check, when the i Frenchman said, "stop, sare, yoo got He monie?" "Why, of course," said his friend, "I will gire you a check for it immediately." "No, no," said the Frenchman, "if you got de monie, I no want him, but if you no got him den I wants i him." NOT so DAD. —The Georgia papers tell the fol lowing with characteristic unction:—A ladv, | formerly a resident in Georgia, very much dis- I contented with Mississippi life, and longing to I return to her native land, was shouting at camp uieeling last year, and became so exceedingly i happy that she exclaimed "Glory to Got!, / feel ; like I tens in Georgia At Dieppe, in France, a famous bat hi ngp lade, there is a police to rescue persons from danger. The following notice was recently issued to them : "The bathing police are requested, when a lady is in danger of drowning, to seize her by ; the dress, and not by the hair, which oftentimes remains ill their grasp." An TrTshman remarked to his companion, on observing a lady pass, "Pat, did Vou ever see so j thin a woman as that before?' "Thin 1" replied | the other; "botherashun ! I seen a woman as thin as twooffier put together, I have." There is a capital story told of some one who i prayed that the Lord would "bless the potato j crop, which seemed to have been smitten in his ! displeasure, and regard with special smiles the ! few planted in our back garden." A member of the Lazy Society was complain ed of lor running. His defence was that he was ; going down hill, and that it was more labor to walk tban run. Complaint dismissed with ex penses. MAKING-A GHOST OKA TUNE, —Footo ONCE asked a man without a sense of tune in him, ! "Why are you forever humming that tune?" "Because it haunts me," was the reply. "No vvohder," said Foote, "von are forever murder ing it." BUSINESS AND BUFFI. —Our musical critic say that it is a great proof rvf Rossini's financial tact that he made Figaro a barber, as he doubtless intended that character to shave the notes of the music. -—A preat cry and little \ro|--au Hthiopi. ian infant just bom. , . ,