Newspaper of Bedford Gazette, January 22, 1858, Page 1

Newspaper of Bedford Gazette dated January 22, 1858 Page 1
Text content (automatically generated)

YOI>I MF, 33. NEW SERIES. THE BEDFORD GAZETTE IS PUBLISHED EVERY FRIDAY MORNING, BY MEYERS AC BENFORD, At the following terms, to wit: $1.50 per annum, CASH, in advance. $2.00 " " if paid within the year. $2.50 " " if not paid within the year. [T7-N*o 'inscription taken for less than six months. tf?""No paper discontinued until all arrearages are paid,unless at the option of the publishers. It has been decided by the United States Courts, that the stoppage of a newspaper without the payment of ar rearages, is prima Jaci* evidence of fraud and is a criminal offence. QyThe courts have decided that persons are ac countable for tne subscription price of newspapers, if they take them from the post otlice, whether they •übscribe for them, or not. Select |3 oct rn. THE THREE MERRY LOVERS. The following among other delicate fragments, •wasoriginally furnished by T. B. Aldrich to the New York Home Journal LARA. Good day, fair gentlemen ! a merry day. HUGH. I might be merrier. BASII.. M ight be sadder say. LARA. It might be both. Our project, by the way When last we met, you know, our fancy moved Us each to vow, he'd kiss the one he loved; And here we are, as our appointments were, To tell our fortune. HUGH. Fortune is a cur ! I'll give you mine, ®irs. This is what befel; Last night I found the scornful Isabel Working bad tulips in her tapestrie; i stole upon her softly as may be, And threw my arms about her. BASH;. Very good! HUGH. NO, very bad: for rising where she stood, She dealt me three such buffets on the ears, That I saw stars in all the glittering spheres' LARA. Your pain was great because your ears were long A clever girl, and only half i' the wrong, A handy dame! Now, Basil, what i, yours/ Hueu. First let me say thst "handy dames'' are bores. RASH.. I must allow that my success is this Was such asTilched the value of the kiss. Until this day, Angelia hs been Sa-Cfly, sufc.wwJc.sejertn.f a pruftrto quern, Alethoiighr a kiss would stop her pious breath, And that the maid would blush herself to death! To break the matter gently as 1 could, I—l asked her LARA. An* now by Holyrood ! That rest most mo lost! BASH.. When, to my surprise, she looked straight through me with her suit blonde eyes. And then put up the daintiest kind ol" mouth For me to kiss: and kiss 1 did, forsooth! LARA. An honest lady; but she'll learn anon That favors are not valued, lightly won. fit OH. (To Lara,) I hope your lady nearly mur dered you' LARA. She did, in faith, by all that's good A true • Her ryes were sharp stilettoes, and she gave Some wounds that i shall carry to my grave ! BASH.. YOU kissed her? LARA. Ay. You should have seen her face, So half-indignant at her lip's disgrace; {For. gentle sirs, I did undo my love, While she unlooped the fastening of my glove!) She stormed at first, then knit her finger*—so ; And 1 stood laughing at her pretty woe : She blushed, wept, laughed, and blushed and wept again, Until her cheeks were roses drenched with rain.— A merry day, fair gentlemen ! Hccu. It might be merrier! ill isc ell aco us. ItOMAXCEOF HEAL LIFE. There was a fine old General once, who, hav ing spent most of his life in th field of Mars, knew very little about the camp of Cupid. He M'as one ol tf.rteiri.gh si.ii 11 iiest spirits often met with in his gallant profession; innocent as an infant of almost every thing save high integ rity and indomitable biavery. He was nearly fifty years old, and his toils were over when master Dan brought him acquainted with a wid ow Wadman, in whose eye he began to dptect somefhingth.it made him began to feel uneasy. .Here was the result of leasure. At Jenglb, however, the blunt honesty of his .disposition rose uppermost among his conflicting plants, and fits course was chosen. At school he had once studied "Othello's Defence" to re cite at an exhibition, but made a failure . fie now fecollected there was something in this defence to recite, very much like what he wanted to say. He got ike book immediately, found the passage, clapped on hir hai, with a determined air, and ported ol?" to Ihe widow VVadman's, with Shakespeare under hisarm ".Madame," said the Geaeral Uncle Toby, opening his book at the marked place, with the solemnity of a special pleader at the Jbar—Mad ame— "Rude am I in tny sriee-ch, And littie ble6s'd with the set phrase of peace; For since these arms of mine had seven years pith Till now some nine moons wasted, they have used Their dearest action in the tented fiehi; And little of this great world can I speak. More than pertains to feats of broil and ba'tfe; And therefore"— Here the Genera! closed the book, wiped his forehead, looked up at the ceiling, and said with a spasmodic gasp, "I want to get married !" The widow laughed for ten minutes by the watch before she could utter a syllable, and <hfn she said, with precious t< ar* of humor rol- ! ling down her good-natured cheeks, "And who ! is it you want to marry. General ?" I "You," said Uncle Tobv, flourishing his : Sword arm in (he air, and assuming a military i attitude of defiance, as it he expected an assault j from the widow immediately. "VVill you kill me if I merry you? said the widow with a merrv twinkle in her eye. ; "No, madam !" replied Uncle Toby, in a most serious and deprecating; tone, as if to as sure her that such an idea had never entered his head. "YVeH, then, I guess I'll marry you," said the widow. "Thank you, ma'am," said Uncle Toby : "but one thing I am bound to tell vou—l wear • i , a wig!" The widow started, remained silent a mo ment, and then went into a longer, louder, and I merrier laugh than she had indulged in before, lat the end of which she drew her spat nearer ! the General, gravely laid her hand on his head, ! gently lifted his wig off and placed it on the table. General Uncle Toby had never known fear in hot battle, but he now felt a decisive inclina tion to run away. The widow laughed again as though she never would slop, and the Gen eral was about to lav his hat upon his denuded j head and bolt, when the facetious lady placed ; her hand upon his arm and detained him. She I then deliberately raised her other hand to Iter I own head, with a sort of military precision, i executed a rapid manrpnvre with her five fin gers, pulled off her whole head of fine glossy hair, and placing it upon the table by the side of the General's remained seated with ludicrous gravity, in front of her accepted lover, quite bald ! * As may he expected, Uncle Toby now laugh ed along with the widow, and they soon grew so merrv over the affair, that the maid-servant peeped ihrough the key-hole at the noise, and saw the old couple dancing a jig and bobbing their bald pates at each other like a pair of Chinese mandarins. So the two very shortly laid tneir heads together upon the pillow of mat rimony. A CASE OF IMAGINATION. We were the witness of a very ludicrous in cident which occurred in this city a few days since, for relating which we crave the indul gence of the gentleman directly concerned deeming it too good a joke to be lost- While sitting at our desk and laboring assidu ously with pen. scissors, and paste, to make out a readable paper for our patrons, we were wuddenly tfrighfenec! ( from our. .propriety, by **ftv hasty fenttamit/e of a gentleman, exclaim ing : "For God's sake, help me to see what is the matter ! I've got some dreadful thing—scorpi on or tarantula—in the leg of my pantaloons !" Quick —quick—help me !" We instantly rose lromeour chair, half fright ened ourselves. Our friend had broken in so suadenly and unexpectedly upon us and was so wonderfully agitated, ttiat we knew not wheth er he was in his senses or not. VVe looked at him with a sort of surprise mixed with dread, and hardly knew whether to speak with or con fine him as a madman. The latter we came very near attempting- There he stood quiver ing and pale, with one hand tightly grasped upon part ot the pantaloons, just in tire hollow ot the knee. ''What's the matter?" asked we at last. "The matter !" he exclaimed, "Oh, help me! I I've got something here, which just ran up my I leg ! Some infernal lizard or scorpion, I expect ! Oil, I can't let go ; I must hold it. Oh, there!" !he shrieked, "I felt it move just then ! Oh these pants without straps ! I'll never wear an other pair open at the bottom as long as I live. Ah, T feel it again." "Feel what ?" we inquired, standing at the same time, at a respectful distance from the gen tleman : for we had just been reading onr Cor pus Christ i correspondent's letter about snakes, lizards, and tarantulas, and began to imagine some deadly object or reptile in the leg of our friend's unmentionable as they are sometimes called. "1 don't know what it is," answered the gen tleman ; help me to see what it is. I was iust passing the pile of rubbish there in front of your otfice, and felt it dart up my leg as quick as lightning," he clenched bis fist more tight ly. If it tiad been the neck of an anacon da, we believed he would have squeezed it to ajelly. By this time two or three of the newsboys had come in ; the clerks and packing boys hear ing the outcry stopped working,and editors and all hands stood around the sufferer with ming led sympathy and alarm. "Bring a chair, Fritz," said we, "and lei the gentleman be seated." "O, I can't sit," said the gentleman . "I can't bend my knee! If 1 do, it will bite or sting me; no, I can't sit." "Ortainly you can sit," said we; "keep your leg straight oul, and we'll see what it is you have got." "Well, let megive it one more hard squeeze; I'll crusU it to death, said he, and again he put the force of an iron vice tqion the thing. If it had any life left this last effort must have killed it. He then cautiously seated himself, holding out his h'g as stiff and as straight as a poker.— A sharp knife was procured : the pants were cut open carefully, making a hole large enough to admit a hand : the gentleman put on a thick cloves, and slowly inserted his hand, but lie dis covered nothing. We were looking on in al most breathless silence, to see the monstrous thing—whatever it might be ; each ready to scamper out of harm's way, should it be alive, when suddenly (he gentleman became, it possi ble more agitated than ever. "By heavens?" he exclaimed, "it's inside of mv(drawers. "It's alive, too—l feel it! —quick —give me the knife again ?" Another incision was made—in went the gen tleman's gloved hand one? more, arid 10, out BEDFORD, PA., FRIDAY MORNING, JANUARY 22, 185b. came his wifts stocking ! How the stocking .-v<-i got there, we are un able to say : hut there it certainly was, atid such a laugh that followed,we haven t heard for many a day. Our friend, we know, has told the joke himself, and must pardon us fordoing >0- Jbo this is about a stocking, we assure our readers it is no yarn.— I) ale/nun it. THE MANUFACTURE OF WORDS- The following sensible remarks are extracted from Frazer's .Magazine : No permission has been so much abused it/ our day as that of Horace for the mt nulacture of words. He allows men to mould one now and then, with a modest discretion and can tion ; but lie is addressing p< t>, not venders of patent leather or dealers- in marine stores. Would he not have stood aghast at the term "aiitipropy lo.s." Would it not puzzle .1 Schaliger ar ilont iy ? It is time we protest to these vile coinages when every breeches maker or blacking manu facturer invents a compound word of six sylla bles as expressive oi his wares. Ladies do not wear petticoats now-a-day*, but crinolines.— What is their new name fdrgarieis Men do not ride on horseback as aloietnne they tak equestrian exercise ■ women are not married like their grandmothers—they are led to the hy menial alter. A bookseller, forsooth, becomes a biblopole ; and a serwut is converted into a maniciple. Barbers do not sell tooth powder and shaving soap as their lather's did, but odon- , to and dentifrice, and rypophagon ; hairwash j has passed away —it is capillary fluid. Can any! one tell what is Hie meaning of "diagnosis" as | applicable to disease ! It it has any signifies- ; tion at all we will guarantee to find half a dozen ! Saxon monosyllables expressive of tile same idea. Medical gentlemen, too, talk of phlebotomy ; we know that it has some connection with blood letting, and for our own part, > always asso ciate the term with a niglit we once spent be tween the sheets, all alive O ! in an Irish hotel; Who would behevr that "epistaxi-s" means.sim ply bleeding at the nose ' Fancy one schoolboy doubling his fist, and telling another t i look out for "eptstaxis." We take up the first book within reach, and open it at random, it is Wil liam Wordsworth ; a Biography by Edwin Pax ton Wood. Well, what do you reaii "By resthetic biography,"' he says, "is simply in tended ! Did ever mortal man listen to such verbiage run mad ? Wfiat, again, are we to un derstand by the words "ot'je( live" and "sute jective," which every goose with Ins sham met aphysics lias now-a-davs on his lips ? PUT THAT IMBI •'UK.VTKASi'YL OIT- While the congregation were collecting at the church, on a cerlajn occasion, an "hi, daik, hard featured, skin and bone individual, seen near the pulpit. The officiating minister was one of that class who detested written sermons, and as lor prayers, he thought they ought to tie the natural outpourings of the heart. Alter the singing was concluded, the house a< usual was called to prayer. The genius we have introduc ed did not kneel, hut leaned his head devotion ally on the back of the pew. Tne minister be gan by saying—"Father of all in evei v age, by saint and savage adore."— "-Pop?." said a low, but clear voice, near old hard leature#. The minister, after casting an indignant look in the direction of the voice, continued—"whose throne sitteth on the adamantine hills ot Para dise"—".VtV/o/i," again interrupted the voice. The minister's lips quivered lor a moment,but recovering himself, began—"we thank thee, most gracions father, that we are permitted to assemble once more in thv name, while otheis, equally meritorious, but less favored, have been carried beyond that bourne, from which no trav eller returns." i ' S/iakesptnrr." interruptedUe voice ; this was too much. "Put that imputeiil rascal out," shouted the minister." "Orgt/," ejaculated the voice in the same calm but pro voking mariner. CHEERFI LNESS- Among the wise things tr which the name ol the honest Benjamin Franklin is worthy of honor, we noticed the following a lew days ago. It contains a deai of sound cnonfej "J noticed a mechanic among a number of oil ers, at work in a house erected but a little uiy from rny office, who had a kind word and a cheerful smile for every one lie met. L-t in day be ever so cold, gloom}' and sunless, a hip py smile danced like a sunbeam on his hapbv countenance. Meeting him one morning, I a~k ed him to tell me the secret of his happv Uw of spirits. 'No secret, Doctor,' replied he; -I have got one of the best of wives, and when fgo to work she always has a kind word o| ine nr agement for me, and when I go home she imets me with a smile, and she is sure to be reafv, and she has done so many things during the day, to please me that I cannot find it in mi heart to be unkind to anybody.' What inlu ence, then, hath woman over the heart of nnn, to soften it and make it the fountain ot cheer fulness and pure emotions. Speak genlv, then ; a happy smile and a kind word of gr-et ing alter the toils of the dav are over, cost nettl ing and go far towards making home happy ;nd peaceful." 05^An Irishman used to come home of.pn drunk, and once when he was watering his horse, his wife said to him, "Now, Badly, isn't that baste an example to ye ? Don't yiu see he laves off when he has had enough the crayture ! He's the most sensible baste of lie two." "Oh, it's very well to discourse like that, Biddy," cried Paddy, "but if there vas another horse at the other side of the troigh to say 'here's your health, mv otild bor !' would he stop till he drank the whole trough, think ye V ERY COOL.—A letter from the Osage na tion, dated 7th December, says : "The Osage Indians are just returning from their fall hunt; they bring with them twentv three Pawnee scalps, as trophies of their suc cess. Freedom of Thought and Opinion. HOUSE INFURIATED BY BLOOD. —Recently we mentioned the trampling of a man to death in New England, by a horse which had been mad

dened by the sight of blood. The Doylestown (Pa.) Intelligencer has an instance of the ex citement of a horse from the same cause : 'On Saturday week, a serious accident I occcured on the farm of S. 13. J. (3. Larzelere, in Abington. They had been killing hogs on that day, and after the job was completed, a person in their employ, with his bloodv clothes on, went into the stable by the side of a team horse to remove the harness. While unloosing the hame string the horse became frantic at the . sight or smell of the blood, pawed him down, broke his ribs, and it was with great difficult v ! that those who came to the rescue could get ! over the manger into the entry and out of dan ger. The noble animal, although of uncom- j monly docile disposition generally, kicked him self out of harness, and knocked the strong board partition between the stalls into fine kindling wood. On the following morning the horse had not eiiin . lv recovered from his fright, and was.still so tid that the person who usually 1 takes care of him had some diffculty in going through the daily morning routine. We make these remarks to caution our friends against ma king similar experiments. A DJY AT SKA. —The ordinary sea-day com mences at 12 o'clock noon, when all hands, fore and aft, i.e. m cabin and forecastle, jet dinner. The crew are divided into Iwo watch es, called larboard and starboard watches, which alternate in [>erforming ordinary ship duties. One watch is under charge of the first, the other of the second mate, when there are two mates only on board:—After dinner, all hands are ordered ro lurn to, under charge of one of the officers, and labor till six o'clock, the regu lar supper hour.—Then commences the alter nate watches: from six till eight i called the dog watch during which half the crew tiave liberty to go below and sleep if they please : at eight the next watch is called, and the other officer takes charge of thedeck till twelve, mid night : another chsnge at four and again at ight in the tnornieg, when all hands are called to breakfast; then one watch goes below till dinner : so that the whole crew is not on deck in good weather, except from 12 M. to 6 P. M. In times of emergency, however, of galea of wind, or any disaster, all hands are called, not excepting the cook and steward, and kept on deck till the captain or officer considers one j watch able to take care of the shipr" The man st tii uvbeet, or steersman, is cfiariged ert-rv half watch, or two hours, during the twenty- ' four, and is, at times, fhe onlv man in active duty on hoard. But a sailor in a well regula ted ship never has a leisure hour in his deck watch in the day-time. The pulling and haul ing, making, and taking in and trimming sails, is but a small part of his duty : every part of a ship from her deck upwards is chafing and strainingevery moment at sea, in rain and shine, gale or calm, and constantly requires care, at tention and labor. Probably no good, experi enced shipmaster, at any one time, during his longest voyage, was ever at a 10-s for a mo- !' ment to find work for his crew. At night, the only husiness of the watch on deck is to steer j the vessel, keep a good look-out ahead, and be ready to make, shorten or trim sail. This is the regular routine for tiie officers and crew in ordinary merchant vessels. EVENING HOURS FOR MECHANICS. —What J : haw evening hours done for mechanics whoji had only ten hours toilHarken to the follow ing facts : i . One of the best editors the Western Review could ever boast of, and one ofthe most brilliant writers of the passing hours, was a cooper in Aberdeen. Oneof the editors of the London Daily Journal was a baker in Elgin ; perhaps tile best rej oiter of the London Times was a weaver in Edinburg ; the editor ol the Witness was a stone mason. One of the ablest minis ters in L ndon wa* a blacksmith in Dundee, arid another was a watchmaker in Banff. The late Dr. Milne, ol China, was a herd boy in Rhvne. The principal ol the London .Missiona ry Society's College at Hong Kong was a sad dler in Huntley, and one of the best missiona ries that ever went to India was a tailor in Keith. The leading machinist on the London and Birmingham railway, with seven hundred pounds a year, was a mechanic in Glasgow; and perhaps the richest iron founder in England was a working man in Morap. Sir James Clarke, her Majesty's physician, was a druggist in Blarifl. Joseph Hume was a sailor first and then a laborer at the mortar and pestle in Mon trose. Mr. McGregor, the member fro no Glas gow, was a poor boy in Rosshire. James Wilson, the member from Westburv, was aj ploughman in Haddington, and Arthur Ander son, the member from Orhnev, earned his bread hy the sweat ol his brow in the Ultima 1 hole. These men, however,spent their leisure hours in acquiring useful knowledge. I'hey could not have the eminence they did hanging around hose and engine houses, or wasting houcs away in taverns. FATB OR THE DISCOVERER'S OF AMITRICA. It is remarkable how lew of the eminent men among the discoverers and conquerors ol the .New World died in peace. Columbus died broken-hearted; Roldan and Cobadilla were drowned: Qvando was harshly superseded ; Las Casas sought refuge in a cowl ; Ojeda died , in extreme poverty; Encisco was deposed by hi.s own men : Nicuessa perished miserably by the cruelty of his party ; Vasco Nunez was dis gracefully beheaded ; Narvaez was imprisoned in a tropical dungeon, and alterwards died ol hardship ; Cortex was dishonored; Alvarado was destroyed in ambush ; Almagro was gar roted: Pizarro was murdered, and his four brothers cut oil; and there was no end ol the assassinations and executions of the secondary chit Is among the energetic and endui ing adven turers. London Inquirer. (BY REQUEST.] SIT LOVENGOUD'S LIZARDS. BY S L , OF TENN. SB—EIT DULLAR REWARD. "This cash will b*> paid in korn or produce , tu be colicted at ur aboute our next kampmetin by ene wun what ketchis him, for the cases ove wun SCTTY LOVENGOOD ded ur alive and safely gin over to the care of Passon John Hull in at Squire mack Junking for a raisin of the devil , permiscusly, discornfurtin the wi.-nin powerful and a skarin ove folks gineraly at the ratil snaix springs big meetin." signed by me JOHN BULLIN the Passon. attested tu by Jehu Wet boron. I I found written copies of the above highly in telligible and vindictive proclamation stuck up ,on every blacksmith shop, doggery and store door in the Frog Mountain range. Its blood thirsty, vindictive spirit, its style, and, above all, its chirography, interested me to the extent of stealing one from a tree fur preservation. In a few days I found Sut in a good crowd in front of Capeharl's small doggery, and as he proved to he abont "in tune," I read it to him. es, George, that ar dockymint am in year nest, sari in. They dus want me powerful bad, but I sped eit dollar.-, won't fetch me- I'll go myself fur fifty, planked (iown, efyou'll go long and see me fiev justice. Lite, iite, old fel ler, and let that roan ove yourn blow a little, an I'll splain this cussed atar what has luinated niv karacter as a pies pusson in the society > 'bout here. Ye see, I went to last year's big meetm at Rati! Snaix Springs, an wersiltinin a nice shady place conveisin with a friend in the huckilberry thicket, when the fust thing I know'd i woke from a trance, what I'd been • knock'd inter by a four year oid hickory stick in the ban' ove old Passon Bullon, durn his alligator look in' hide ! an he wur standin' a straddle ove me, a foamin' at the mouth an' a preacbin' tu ine' bout sartiasins an' my wick edness'ginerally. My poor frien' wur gone, an' I was glad ove it, fur I thot he meant tu kill me w-ith his club ef he failed tu preach me tu deth, an' I did'nt want bur tu see me die." "Who was the Iriend you speak of, Sut V "N-u-n o-v-e y-o-u-r b-i-s-n-i-s—dern your little anksbus picter! But I'll tell ye one thing, George . that nite a neiber gal got an' | orful conlunde stroppin' frum her main with the stirru plether ova saddil, an' old Passon Bullin /nd ei supper thai" thai nite ; and what's wus nurall, she cooked it for him an' begged him atremblin' an' crying' not tu tell on h<-r, the durne, infernal, hiperkriticai, pot-be]!ad, whiskey-wasting old ground hog ; but I paid irn fur it all, el I haint 1 w ill. / mean to keep a pavin' ove him ali the time. Well, at nex big meetin, at Ratil Snaix I wur on han', a solemn as a hat kerrier at collection time, fur I had promised the old hogfu cum an' be convarted just to keep him from killing me. I tuck a seat on the steps ove the pulpit, tu prove I wur in yearnest. Ther was a monstrous crowd in that < grove, an' old Bullin were a preachir.' tu' em at an orful rate —how the hell Sarpints wud sarve 'em if they did'nt repent—how they'd crawl over them, rap thar tails roun' thar n ck, pike ; thar tungs inter thar eyes an' blow inter thar i years: ari' et it wur an oman, how they'd quite . . in her hussnin. an'try in crawl down under her , ; frockstririg. An' he tied 'em hot, hollering, an" scared ; the fac is, the tiling was a wot kin' pow- | erful. Now I'd kotch five high grey pot-bellied j lizards, an' hcd 'em in a little narrer bag, what ( i made : i purpos —thar tails ail at the tiottom, i ■ an' packed as tite as a bundil ove sticks, ■ ' "So while he war a rarin onto his tip-tops, on-beno-wenst to any body, 1 untied my poke 1 an put the mouth up under his britches leg, : making ove a nice sorter-like squirrils u climb in a shell hark hickory. He stopped preachio an lookin fur a moment like he wur a listnin lor sunthing, sorter like an ole 9ow dus when she ! hears you whistle for the dogs. 1 give a big groan, hilt tny hed atween my knees. Then he commenced a slapin ove,his sell wher ye cut J the steak on ten a beef, then he'd fetch a rub whar a bosses tail sprouts, then he'd stomp, i then run his hand atween his waisbnn an his shut, an reach down an roun mitily with it— then he spred his big legs and giv his back a good sliakin, sort ove a rub agin the pulpit sor ter like a hug scratches agin a stump ; a learim' to his work powerful, and squirming zif he'd jist cum outen a dog bed, or bad siep on a pisant trail. About this time one ove my lizzards (scared an hurt, I spose, by all this : rubin arid scratchin and slappin) poked his hed out atween the passon'sshut collar an' his old bru.vn neck, tuck a peep at the circumstan | ces, and dodged hack agin. "Old Bullin's speech now cum to him ; his eyes stickin out like two buckeyes hung agin , a mud wail, and his voice trtmblip; Ses he, "Bretberin, take keer'ove yours-lls, the Hell i Sarpents hev got me !" Sum ove the wimmin fotch a painter yell, an a ramrod-legged doctor what sot near me, allowed it wur a clar case ove Delicious Tremendjus, and I tbnt he wur ; rite, fur it wur fremendjus afore it was dun with. OfT went the claw-hammer coat, an he . flung it ahind him like he wur a gwine inter a fite, (he had no jack it on.) Next he fotch his shut over his hed faster nur I got outen my basted vvun, an he flung it up in the air like he , j didn't care a durn if it kept up fiirever, but it lodged onto a black j.icjc. I >eed won ove my ! lizzards a racin about over the tug old duty lookin shut, skeered like the devil. Then he oin a surter shake an a twist, and he cum outen his britches, an he tuck em hv em hy the bottom I ove the legs an swung em round his hed a lew times and then fotch em down cheraliap over the front ove the pulpit. You cud 've hearn the smash a quarter ove a mile .' Nigh unto about fifteen shorten bisk it, a fulled chickin , with his legs crossed, a big dubbil bladed rule, a slab ove terbackei, pipe, sum copper-ore WHOLE \I HBER *7*o. specimens, a heap ove brukin glass, a cork,® sprinkil ove whisky, a squt an three ove my lizards Hew perrniskuslv all over that ar mer lin ground, outen the upper ind ove them big flax britches. One ove the smartest ove mv lizards lit hed fust inter the bossum ove a fat oman, as bi<; as a skin'd boss, and nigh ur,to as "gly, who sot thirty yards off a la: run he - self with a tucky tail, an smart tu ' • !>■ !, • commenced runnin down. So she wui oooriu i to faint, and did it fust rate: jist Hun-r her tuc ky tail up in the ar, rolled down the hill, tang led her legs an garters in the top ove a huckii berry bush, an wur thar all safe, fair an quiet when i left. "Now old Bullin had nuthin left on him.but a par ove hevv low quartered shoes, short wool in socks, an eel skin garters tu keep off the cramp, an his skare wur a growin on him fast. He Were plum crazy, fur he just spit in his bans and leaped over the front uv the pulpit rite in ter the mirdle uv the pius part uv the kongre galion, kertlijf, an set in tu gittin away. He run, or ruther went in a lumberin gallup, hevv likeanold wagon hossskared at a locomotive, When he jumped a bench he shook theyearth an hiseelt too. Bonnets and fans clared the way, an he hed a purfectly fair track tu the woods. He weighed nigli onto three hundred, hed a black stiipe down his back like onto an old bridle rein, an his belly looked about the size an culler uv a big beet paunch, and it a shnkin I rum side to side. He leaned back frum it like a little feller a totin uv a big drum at muster, and I hearn it slosh plum tu wher I wur. Thar wur cramp- knots on his legs as big as uanuts, an all over he minded me uv a cra zy ole eiefant what wur possessed by the devil, with its years, snout and tushes sawed off,an rared up and a gwine on its hind legs away frum emediate frubbie and tribulation. He did the loudest, an scariest, an (ussiest runnin I ever seed since ciad raced with tiie hornets, to be no faster than it wur. "Well, he disappeared in the thicket, and ove all tile musses ye ever htarn it wur that in a cirkle uv two hundred feet or tbarabouts—sum wirnen screamin—they was the skerv wuns ; sum larfln—they wu3 the wicked wuns; sum cryin—they wus the tool wuns, {sorter ove the Lovengood stripe ;) sum try in to git awav ur hide thar laces—they wus the modest ones: sum lookin arlesold Bullin—tbev wus the cu rious wuns ; sortie hangin to their bows—tbev wus the sweet wuns; sum on thar knees with thar eyes shot, but their lace turned the way the old murtirkil was a runnin—they was the deceitful wuns ; sum doin nolhin—they wus the waitiu wuns, and th most danjeious ove all ove them by a durnd Jong sites. I took a big skeer myself, arter a bibil about as big as a brick, a disiplin, an a book called a kataplasm, a few rocks, and sich like fruit spattered on the pulpit n i onto my hed, and as the Lovengoods, durn em, knows nothin but to run when they git skard, 1 jist put towards the swamp on the krick. As I started a black bottil of baldlace smashed against a tree forinst me. Sum durnd fool pro lessor dun this, who had more zeal than sence; fur I say that any man who'd wast a quart ove good whisky fur the chance ove kuockin a poor devil like me down with it, if the bottil wus wuth nuthin, isn't as smart as old squire Mack mullin, and he shot hisselt with a hoe handil, arid it warnt loaded at that. Well, you know, George, I orter run fast—just look at these legs I used em sum atween that meetin grown and the swamp, and they aint kotch me yet. '•Old Barbelly Bullin (as they call him) since his tribulation with the hell .*arpints, hair.t preched but wunst, and then he hadn't an oman to hear im. His tex wus, "nakid I came into this wurld an I'm agwine out on it the same way ef I'm spared till then.'' I'm told 'twar a , powerful sarmint—it was heard three miles. - He proved that naUidniss warn't much, arter , all, el you take the rite view ove the thing— ■ that hell sarpints of all sizes wus skeery, cold 1 and Uubilstim—that it warn't to be expected ■ ove him, a poor, weak, frail won ove the dust, - to he sarpiut ur lizzard proof either— that won j small sarpint of the tribe ove milcizidick ruin i ated a wui Id through a woman wjiiie wur 1 beset with a barril full of them. \ ' > thly, but finally, that Sulty Loverigovu . :.e , ! biggest raskil, tool and skarecrow ever hatciied ; in the mountain range. ".Now, George, that may all be so, but I i want you to tell old Grownhog this fur me— ef he'll let me alone, I'll let him alone ; arid e/"he don't if I don't lizzard hiin again I wish I may he domed inter a poultice. Let's go tu the spring and mix a little ove it with this vere I whisky, (shaking his flask,) alore you start. Mind, tell old Barbelly what I sed about anuth er big skeer, with—say a peck—ur a peck an a half o\e lizzards— try an sheer him ef you kin ' good by." [£r"An eccentric German was noted tor his making good cider, and lor his extreme stingi ■ ness in dispensing it to his neighbors when they . called to see him. A travelling Yankee who heard this of him, resolved to try his hand on the old fellow, and coax a pitcher of cider out of him. He made him a call, and praised up his farm and cattle, and speaking of his fine ' orchard, casually remarked, "I hear Mr. Von Dam, that you make ex : cellent cider." "Yasli vash, I dosh. Hans bring de cider shug,' The Yankee was delighted with his success, and already smacked his bps in anticipation of good things to come. Hans brought up a quart jug of cider, and placed it on the table before his father. The old fatmerraised it with both hands, and glueing his lips to the brim, he drained it to the bottom, and then handing the empty jug to theory and thirsty Yankee, qui etly observed. "Dare, if you don't believe dat ish good cider shust you shmell te shug." —To put a new sett of lioilers in one of the Collins steamers costs about SIIIO,OOO, and this must be done every six years. VOL 1, NO. 25.