Newspaper of Bedford Gazette, November 30, 1860, Page 1

Newspaper of Bedford Gazette dated November 30, 1860 Page 1
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VOLUME 57. NEW SERIES. r*!EE BEDFORD GAZETTE -*• IS PUBLISHED SVKRT FRIDAY WORNIXS BY U. F. MEYERS, A! the following ttrmi, towil: ft .50 per anr.m, as, in advance. J2.00 " if paid within the year. $2.50 41 " if not paid within the year. subscription taken for less than six months. CJ"*No pspr discontinued until all arrearages are paid, unless at tba option of the publisher, it hae teen decided by the United States Courts that its stoppage of a newspaper without tne payment ol ar rearages, is prima fatit evidence ol traad and is a criminal otfence. CyTb.e coutls have decided that persons ere ac scuntable for the subscription price of newspapers, tf tbey take them from toe post office.whether 'hey subscribe for them, or not. -■ I ■■ POPULAR SONG. ~ D IXEY'S LAND* At itss BT S. T. TUX tY, OF SA3FORWS OFEBA HOCUS- Away down South in the fields of cottoo, Ciooamon seeds and sandy bottom, Look away. look away, Look away, look awsy, Den 'war down South in de fields of eottoai Vinegar shoes and paper stockings, Look away, look away, Look away, look away. Dsn 1 wish I was in Dixey's land Ob—ho, oh—ho! fn Dixey's land I'll take m y stand And live and die in Dixey's land Away, away, away, Away down South in Dixey. Pork and cabbage put in the pot, It goes in cold and comes out hot. Look away, <s-c. Tmegar put light on red beet, l! always makes them fit to eatj Look away, &c. Den 1 wish I was in Dixey's land, Sea. Old Massa's mad and I am glad Be's lost the one he thought he had Look away, &c. If he comes back which I think he'll do, Massa'll make him dance till he id bine. Look away, Sec. Den I wish 1 was in Dixey's laud, Ate. A nigger up in a great big tree, Lookm' right straight down at me. Look away, i^c. 1 up wid a stick an' I hit him i* de eye, Jknd 1 make this little monkey cry. \ took my, Jtc. Dan I wish I was in Dixey's land, <J-e. A nigger in a bushel measure, Was tickled to death by swallowing a feather. j Lo->k away, Stc. De doctor tried to fotch him to Bat he soon found out it warr.'t no gej Look away, Stc. Den 1 with 1 was in Dixey's land, Sic. SELECT TALE. A LAWYER'S ADVENTURE We prefume our Illinois readers will reai ily expand the town of C , mentioned in the following sketch, into C'arlyle : About three or four years ago, more or less, I was practising law in Illinois in a pretty large circuit. I was called on one day in my office in the town of C ,-bv a pretty woman, who not without tears, told me her husband had been arrested for horse-stealing. She wished to re tain me on the defence. I asked her why she did not go to Judge ;B , an ex-senator ot the United States, whosa office was in the same town. I told hei that I was a young at lbs bar, &c. She mournlully said that he had nked a retaining fee above her means, and be- ; sides did not wan! lo touch the case, tor tier husband was suspected of belonging to an ex tensive gang fof horse-theives and counter feiters, whose head-quarters were on Moore s prairie. I asked her to tell the whole truth ol the Butter, and if it was true that her husband did ksiong to aucb a band ! ,'Ah, air," said she, "a better man at heart thin my George never lived ; bui he liked sards and drink, and lam afraid they made him do what he would never have done il he had : cot drank. I fear that it can be proved that be had the horse ; he didn't steal it ; another did and passed itlo him." i didn't like the case. I knew that there was a great dislike to the gang located where •he named, and feared to r'.sk the case before a jury. She 6eemed to observe my indention to i fEse the case, and burst into tears. I never could see a woman weep without feeling like a weak fool myself. If if hadn t been for eyes brightened by "pearly tears, (blast the poet that made them come in fashion) I'd never been caught in the lasso of matrimony And my would be client was pretty. The handkerchief that hid her ripe lips, and her snowy bosom, rose aad fell like a white gull in *ga!e cl wind at sea. I took the case and she pve me the particulars. The gang, of which he was not a member, hid persuaded turn to take tfie hotse. lie kuew the horse was stolen, and t like a fool ac knowledged it when he was arrested. Worse •AUI, he ii ac j trimmed the horse's tail and mane alter his appearance, and the opposition par ty could prove it. The trial came on. I worked hard to get a jury oi ignorant men, who bad more batrt than j brain ; who, if they could not fathom the depths •of aigument, or follow the lybynnthian mazes jol the law, could feel !or a lello-v in a bad fix, j Weeping and pretty wife nearly broken hear ; ted, and quite distracted. Knowing the use of j "effect," 1 fold her to dress in deep mournrng, and bring her little cherub of a boy only tbiee I years old, iuto court, and to sit as near herhus i . band as the officer would let her. I tried that game once in a murder case, and a weeping : wife and sister made a jury render a verdict a : gainst law, evidence, aud the judge's charge, and , saved a fellow that ought to have been hung as high as Human. The prosecution opened very bitterly, in veighed against thieves and counterfeiters, who had robbed every farmer in the region of their finest horses. It introduced witnesses, and proved ail, more than I feared it would. The time came for me to rise for the defence. Witnesses J had none. But 1 determined to make an effort, only hoping so to interest the judge and jury as to secure a recommendation to the gubernatorial clemency and slight sen tence. So I painted this picture : A young man entered into life, wedded an angei; beau tiful in person, possessing every gentle and no ble attribute. Temptation was before and all around him. He kept a tavern. Guests there were many ; it was not br him to inquire into their business ; they were well dressed, made large bills and paid promptly. At an unguar ded hour, when he was insane with the liquor they urged upon inm, he had deviated from the path of rectitude. The demon of alcohol had reigned in his brain ; and it was his first offence. Mercy plead for another chance to save him from ruin. Justice did not require that his young wile should go down sorrowing ' J ° 5 e> i to the grave, and that the shadow of disgrace, and the taunt cf a felon father should cross the path of that sweet child. Oil how earnestly j did I plead for them. The woman wept ; the J husband did the same; the jury looked melting, ! If 1 could have had the closing speech, he would have been cleared ; but the prosecutor had the close, and threw ice on the fire I bad kindled. But they did not quite put it out. juj-r vfniscJ ccaruing to law and dence, but evidently leaned on the sideofmer- ! cy. The jury found a verdict of guilty, but unanimously recommended the prisoner to the mercy of the court. My client was sentenced j to the shortest imprisonment the court was em- j powered to give, and both jury and court signed j a petition to the governor for an unconditional pardon, which has since been granted, but not j before the following incident occurred ; Some three monlos after this I received an account for collecsion from a wholesale house in New York. The parties- to collect from were hard ones, but they had property, and be fore they bad an idea of the trap laid, I iiad the property, which they were about to as>ign {be fore they broke under attachment. Finding that I was neck ahead and zound to win, they "caved in" and "forked over" three thousand seven hvndred and ninety lour dollars and eight cents (per memorandum book) in good money. They"lived in Shawneetown, about 35 or 40 miles southwest of Moore's prairie. I received the funds just after bank opening, but other business detained me till after dinner. I then started for C , intending to go as far as the village of Alount Vernon that night. I had gone along ten or twelve miles, when I noticed a splendid team of double horse 3 at tached to a light wagon in which were seated four men, evidently of a high strung order.— They swept past as if to show how easy they could do it. They shortened in, and allowed me to come up to them, and hailing me, asked me to "wet," or in other words, diminish th? contents of a jug of old rye they had in the waf-on ; but I excused myself with the plea that I had plenty on board. They asked me how fir 1 was going. I told them as far as Mount Vernon, if my horse don't tire out. They mentioned a pleasant tavern ten oi twelve miles ahead, as A nice stopping place, and then drove on. I did not like the looks of those fellows nor j their actions. I had a brace of revolvers and a nice knife; my money was not in my valise or j mv sulky, but in a belt around my body. I | drove slow, in hopes that they would duve on, j and I should see thein no more. It was nearly j dark when I saw a tavern sign ahead. At the j same time I saw their wagon standing at the door. I would have pressed on, but my horse needed rest. I hauled up, and a woman came to the door. She turned as pale as death when she saw ine—she did not speak—but with a meaning look she put her finger to her hps and beckoned me in ; she was the wife of my late client. When I entered {the party recognized me, and hailed me as an old travelling hiend, and asked me to drink. I respectfully declined to do so. "By God, you shall drink or fight said t' ia noisiest of the party. "Just cs you please; drink I shall not!" said i I purposely showing the butt of a Colt which BEDFORD, PA., FRIDAY MORNING, NOVEMBER 30,1860. | kicks six times in rapid succession. The party interposed, and very easily quelled the assailant. One offered me a segar, which [ reluctantly refused, but a glance from the woman induced me to accept. She advanced and proffered me a light, and in doing so slip ped a note into mv hand' which she must have written a moment before. Never shall I for get the words. They were : "Beware f they are members of the gang.— They mean to rob and murder you ! leave soon: I will detain them !" I did not feel comfortable just then but tried to feel so. "Have you any room to put up my horse 1 asked turning toward the woman. "IVhat, are you not going on to night 1" ask ed one of the men ; "we are." "No," I replied, "I shall stay here to night." "We'll all stay, then, f guess, far.d make a night ol it," said another of the cut throats. "You'll have to put up own horse— ; here's a lantern for you," said the woman. "I am used to that," 1 said. "Gentlemen,' excuse me a minute, I'll join you in a drink when I come in." "Good on your head ! Mors tvbiskev old ; gal," shouted they. i 1 went out, glanced at their wagon; it was, old fashioned, and "hnch pins" secured the wheels, lo take out my kniie and take one j fiom the fire and hind wheels was but the j work of an instant, and then I threw them at lar o/I in the darkness as I could. To untie mv j horse and dash off was but the work of a mo ment. The road lay down a steep hill, but my } lantern ligiited me somewhat. I had hardly got under full headway when 1 heard a yell from those I had so unceremoni ously left. I put whip to my horse. The next moment with a shout they started. I threw my lantern away and left my horse to pick his way. A moment later I heard a crash—a hor rible shriek. The wheels were off. Then came the rush of the horses tearing along furi ously with the wreck cf the wagon, Finally itef&ssttitatojK. • ,h s-sfcjgiwr far behino. For some time 1 hurried my horse —you'd better believe I "rid !" It was a little after midnight when I got to Alount Vernon. The next day I heard that a Aloore Prairie team had run away, ana two men out of tour had been so badly hurt that their lives were despaired of, I didn't cry. My clients got their money, and I didn't travehtbat road any more. MISCELLANEOUS. LOVE CONQUERS ALL THINGS. Long story, but must make At short. No room lor love while politics rule. Go', the paiticulars from individual who had it all by heart. Young man of the name of William. Young lady by the nam of Belinda. Lived in tame , neighborhood) near neighboring village.— ; Young man good looking, but not rich—plenty ; of kin, but no money. Young lady's beauty not likely to be the death of her ; her grandma went under a few years ago, and left her a pile of ten cent pieces as large as a pound ol I wool. Young lady desperately in love w-th young man, and }oung man desperately in love j with young lady. Young man wouldn't let i concealment "like none ol your drm'd worms," • feed on his chet-k but told his love "emejitly." Young lady acknowledge the corn—"thine tor- I ever thine, dearest William !" and wilted into young man's arms, as sweet as you please. "He held her gentle hand in his, He pressed her slender form, And vowed to shield her from the blast, And from the world's cold storm. And then she laised her eyes to his, And filled with drops of woe, Andjin the tenderest accents cried, j ' 'Oh, quit—don't hug me so !" Such is lile and love. Young lady told young man to interrogate the old tolks. Young man did. Old folks said "not if they could help it." Young lady broken hearted—quit combing her luir—took off her hoops—wore shoes slip-shod—and wanted "to find relief in the silent tomb." Y'our.g man met young lady by moonlight alone. Wanted young ladv to throw bundle of clothes out back window, climb down rope ladder "into these arms," and fly to the squire and happiness. ''l may die—l know 1 shall die,-William, but never, never will Iwed thee, dearest one, without the consent ol ma and pa." Young man pleads like angels, trumpet-tongued. Young lady stubborn"and dutiful. Young man Irms the indignant up braids young lady—swears He did not think to find so cold A heart he deemed so true ; and talks of pistols and prussic acid. Ynunf lady dissolved in tears. "Oh William, leave m" —quit mv s*glit forever—but take me along with you ! Young man as happy as a nigger at corn-s bucking,and tells young lady !o {Took lr : Saturday night, and don tbe scared if she sees ; ladder poked in at back window—- "vour Wii | iiam'll be at t'other end." Y'oting lady, thinks j she's gone 100 far, and •■>->■ „•,;",• • t, . i her own -mistress"—only five years. Y'oung man says "five years be darned if bis heart's idol would fly from paternal tyranny, and be happy with him, and let him be happy with ' her, |well and good ;if not, disappoiutment Freedom of Tbonglit and Opinion. | should not feed on his vitals long —a pistol would fix things quick enough. Young lady all tears again. "Cruel, cruel man—carry me to the ends of the earth ; I don't care where— just so you carry me." Saturday night young lady shuts up "sivag erous dorg" in srnoke house, and goes up stairs. Young man carries ladder two irules; puts lad der up to back window, and whiiners "Belin dy !" very loud. Belinda doesn't hear, but dog

does, andrtits up among the meat barrels ter ribly. Old lady wakes up. Tells old man "somebody's tryia' to get its'." OM man gets up, takes down double-barreled gun, opens front door easy, slip? round to smoke-house, and lets L ' U S c ?iiv J P' > = pitches round, and tr6*a young man ar.u young lady tip ladder. Old" -man smells a huge rat trap full of mice, at.d dodges behind tree. Young people reach the ground, young lady having driven off d g. "o'i~ Wil liam, lam afraid !" "Afraid, dearest, and of what is not thine own Wiliiam here to pro tect " old man lets off one barrel of gun ; young man disappears over fence, leaving coat tail it. possession ol dog, and young ladv screams and faints in old man's arms. Young lady sent oil next day to Kentucky, and young man soon starts to Texas—in a born. Yoi"ng lady hau been two weeks at a small town in Kentucky; telegiaph dispatch one nightd Pa quite sick; see if company can be had at a hotel, and come borne at once. Youn-r lady sends to hotel to know if anybodv is goin r (o m Yes ; genteel youu< man going right straight to that very place.— Earl J cext morning, stage takes up young ladv, and j,oes round to hotel for young n.an. Youo>* mar,gets in. " T iiliam !" •'ifejjnda! buab don't say a word." "'low's pa ?" "jo first rate health." hat dispatch V' ' V retch ! where are you going to take me f 'Jo the narson's." Happy couple at hotel here !an week. Tel- old man all about it. Old rr.au iit-m day, with a:l necessary feelings and ar rangements to take young lady home a prema tura widow. But doesn't do it. Young son in-law gentlemanly and polite—-Ihved daughter so well couldn't help it. Young lady all tears again, with equal proportioh olsobs. "Kill me if you will, my father, but spare William !" Oh man's "phelinks" go down several pegs.— ffiet your tiats ar.tf oonttwy Young couple happy as infant with finger? stuck full of molasses and feathers—fly around after baggage ; old man pays hotel bill; and ail leave town together. "Didst thou know the i!y touch of love, Thou Would?! 3s soon go kindle fire with snow, As seek to quench the fire of love with words." SOUTH CAROLINA DISUNION MOVE MENT- GOVERNOR GIFT'S MESSAGE. EXECUTIVE DEPARTMENT, | COLEM ni A , S. C., November 5, iStiO. J Gentlemen of the Senate and, House of Rej,- scntatives : The act of Congress, parsed intheyear !84f> enacts that the electors of President and Vice President shall be appointed on the Tuesday next alter the first Monday of the month of No vember cf the year in which they are to be ap pointed. The annual meeting of the Legisla ture of South Carolina, by a Constitutional pro vision, will not take place until the fourl t Alon -1 day at November instant. I have considered it mj duty, under the authority conferred upon i me to convene the Legislature on extraordinary I occasions, to convene you, that ycu may on to j morrow appoint the number of electors of Pres ' identand Vice President to which the State is I eiltitYd. Urder ordinary circumstance your duty could be soon dischaiged by the election of elec tors r-presetiting the choice oi the people of the State,but in view ol the threatening aspect of afl'airsi arid the strong probability of the election to (lie Presidency ol astctioual candidate bv a partv committed to the support of measures which, if carried out, will inevitably destroy our equality in the Union, and ultimately re duce tie Southern S : ales to mere provinces ot a consolidated despotism to be governed by a fixed najority in Congress hostile to our insti- and fatally bent upon our ruin, 1 would respectlly suggest thai the Legislatures remain in sessbn, and take such action as will pre pare tit State for any emergency that may aiise. That an exposition of the will cf the people < may beobtained on a question involving such ; momentous consequences, 1 would earnestly i recommend that iu the event of Abraham Lin i coin's eeclion to the Presidency, a Convention i of the p-ople of this State be immediately call- I ed to ccnsider and determine for themselves the mode ard measure of redress. Aly own opin ions of vhat the Convention should do aie of ; little moment; but believing that the time has J arrived vhen every one, however bumble he mav be, should express his opinions in unmista | kable iatguage, I am constrained to say that the j only altanative left, in my judgment, is the | spcessioriofSouth Carolina from the Federal j Union. The Slate has, with great unanimity, ' declared that she has the rigid, peacebly, to st -1 cede, am no power on earth can rightfully prevent i. II in tie exercise ol arbitrary power and for getful of lie lessons of history, the Government of the Udied States should attempt coercion, it will becoW- our solemn dutv to meet force by State, and it sha't during the remainder of my Adminr ulll™: be carried out to the ot anv hazards that may surround llßecu V° 1 I would also respectfully recommend a tbor ougf) reorganization of the militia, so as to plac € the whole military force of the State in a po sition to be used at the shortest notice and with the greatest efficiency. Every man in the Stab-, between the ages of eighteen and fortv five, should be vveli armed with the most effi cient weapons of modern warfare, and all the available means of the State used for that pur pose. In addition to the general preparation, I would also recommend that (lie services of ti-n thousand volunteers be ijnmediatesy accepted ; that they be organized and drilled by otficets chosen by themselves, and hold themselves in readiness to be called on upon the shortest no tice. With tfiis preparation for defence, am. with all I tie hallowed memoir s of past achieve ments, with our low of liberty and hatred ol tyranny, and with the knowledge that we are contending for the safety of our homes and firesides, we can confidently appeal to the Dis poser of all human events, and'safely trust our cause in his keeping. WAJ. H. GIST. I o Dnivs CUES OFF. —If a man is persecu v<-d and followed by a yelping cur, lie can *en eraily manage to get' rid of him by stooping down and pretending to pick up a stone, for all curs bave a mortal dread of a thrown stone: but on the bogs of Ireland, they don't care a bit it the person they are barking at pretend to pick up a stone; tpey know, the cunning btutes, there are no stones in the bogs to be picked up and thrown at them, but they act very differently 1/ there happen to be a heap of stones any where bandy, it 13 an unpleasant situation to be attacked by a uog ; if you are so circumstanced, never attempt to 'run—try tiiiovviug a stone at him ; present ycur fiat in ycur hand, and when be has seized it, bit him with a stick across the nose or fore leg. These arc tne most vulnerable points in a dog.; a blow on any other part of the bead but the nose ; wouluu t hurt turn a bit. Il a dog comes up to ' you and growls, and wouldn't be friendly, don't : withdraw trorn him ; put on a bold face, and I stretch your hand toward him, keeping it still j will biteVou) r V-Jftifc'up'VAu- J the hand, and having once done this, he will ; be your lriend lor lite. A chimney-sweep once j made a match !o tigtit a bull do* single-handed, armed only with Ins biush. He entered the a rena with his brush in one hand and a toot ot bramble bush covered with thorns in the Oilier. The dog spiang at him ; lie presented the bram bA* J> u *h to Uie animal, vvho seized it in his ' ~ <•> . ' ' ■- iKnms on it : the sweep helaboitd him over the head auii nose with the back ol the brush—and won the match. We are to learn from this, that if a man is attacked by a bull-dog, he hold a stick between bis hands and present it to the dog, who will seize it, and give the man time for iurther measures. ANOTHER WHEELBARROW BET. The Portland (Me.) Advertiser is responsi ble lor the following report : On Saturday afternoon, Air. Woodbury R. Dyer paid his second bet, which was on the election of Mr. Lincoln, with i\ir. James H. Pickett, by wheeling a barrel ol Hour lrom ftie I corner of Park and York street, proceeding up York and State stieets, down Congress aud Middle, up exchange and down Congress to Hampshire street. He was accon ruined by the Douglas Phalanx and Portland band, with a strong delegation of boys and auults. On arriving at Mr. Pickett's house, Air. Dyer presented the naire] ol flour, with the follow ing remarks . Friend Fickett ;—As the fates decreed that Abiaham Ltncolas should be our next Preident, I, on the condition of the wager between us, present you with ibis barrel of flour, ot Re publican flour, (not black, however,) out extra superfine. It was intimated, in ancient days, that some went alter the loaves and fishes. The loaves you will find, it properly kneaded, here. The fishes 1 shall endeavor to catch frcyn the banks of the Salt River to which I and a goodly number of our brethren, are bound, and as the contents of this barrel diminishes, so may all party feelings diminish between os. And I pledge you, iu 1864, we will meet again on the same field, with a new ana strongei force, to battle lor those good old Democratic princi ples, ot which I am proud to say, I am this day a firm adherent. And although onr politi cal opinions may differ, yet as citizens of (his country, will we stand shoulder to shoulder, to repel a foreign foe, and to prevent, as far as in us iies, a dissolution of it:is, our glorious Union. How A NEGRO CAME TO STCAL TURKEY.?.— A story is told of Dick, a darkey in Kentucky, who was a notorious thief, so vicious in this re spect that all the thefts in the neighborhood were charged to him. On one occasion Mr. Jones, a neighbor of Dick's master, called and said that Dick must be sold out of that part of the country, for he had stolen all nis (Mr. Jones') turkeys. Dick's master could not think so.— The two, however went into the field where Dick was at work, and accused iiim of the theft : "Y'ou stole Mr. Jones' turkeys," said the master. "No, I didn't, niassa," responded Dick. The master persisted, however. — "Well," at length said Dick, "I'll tell you, massa, I didn't steal dem turkeys; but las', r.ight, when I went across Air. Jones' pasture, I saw one of our rails on de fence, so I brought home de rail, and. confound it, when I come to look, dare was nine turkeys on de rail! ' - i JtoZE .1 medders M | or bur tale kul oil by bdh *>■ gars. "W IlfSf.E 'VI .TIIBEZS, 2023. PRINTING OFFICE RICES. Gome into the office whoever you please and as long as you wish but ".vlhinj," .nil .1,. ~ ih. iLi \o' p Hr ,4ct ,0 ~u> compositors—tbev wii; -,i your word for it without illustrations' ir are whisllin?, and thev a-|- vr,. < • V °, U louder, don't do „J Z , > ! yo „. ' u Woii t expect It of , j Do not get into the ink especially if you , I have new c lolhes-a.s new cloth Makes ink" a ( mazing well (and ink costs 25 '•en'c r, - i, ,! which makes it bad for the ink. *' * | it you keep in the way and t'he printer steps on your favorite corn and says, "Beg your par don you may know he's only jo':in<* rule.may he violated with' impuni* fy and entirely disregarded by the ladies—es pecia.ly the rules relating to whistling and I In conclusion it the "coat" should happen to fit any person, they should not let their -an gry passions rise, and gain mastery ov r then j better sens*," but keep-cool and calm as suZ r r even,n S 8 g-ntle showers,'/or every Joss of I temper tends to shorten* one's day's besides do i :n g no good. j LEGISLATIVE WIT.-I Conv ; n R , j a member ot the General Assen. 1 ,■ o< tl e !ate of Ohio, he brought in a bid for the abolition of public punishment at the whipping post He made a speech thereon, (o which an elderly member replied as follows ; "The gentleman is not as old as I am, and r ;r S Y Poetical operation of the system of punishment, wh-ch he deHres 10 ail„b. ,V b ,„ ! livrd in eiiovv sto.e a horse, or cut up any other rus hes hey used ,o tie him right up and give him ..e*' f OO ' J 'orashin . and he aluavs ... ut ct r. aj ui IIU tf| rOgUPS 'nSC ever was tried, and without any expense to the State." Corwin rose and replied : "Mr. Speaker, I have often been puzzled to account for the fast emigration from Connecti cut to the West; nut the gentleman last up h#j explained it to my entire satisfaction." The bill was passed without further ciscui j eiin. Wine Batiis in Paris.—-An American trav ' e!er in the streets ct Pans, seeing the words, "Wine baths giv.n here," exclaimed : "Well, these French are a luxurious peo ple \ lien with trup Yankee curiositv and the leeling that he could afford whatever any onet'sedid, walked in and demanded a "win® bath." Feeling wonderfully refreshed after it, and having to pay but five fiances, he asked, in some astonishment, how a wine bath could be afforded so cheaply ! His sahie attendant had been a siave in Virginia, and enjoyed a s'v bit ct humor, and thus replied : "Oh roissa, we just pass it along into anud der room, where we give baths at four francs." I "Then throw it away, I presume 1" ".Yo massa; den w- s-nd it lower down and I and charge the frame a oath. Der's iots of j people who ain't so berry particular, who will i ba'.he in it after this at two fiar.es a head. j Den, massa, we let common people have it at I one fiance apiece." "Til i ox course you throw it awav, ex | claimed the traveler, who tho't this was going even beyond Yankee profit. "No indeed, massa," was the indignant re - piy, accompanied by a profound bow : "no in deed, massa. we're not so stravagant as daf comet to. We jest bottle up and send it to 'Merica for champaign. says the first time he went courting, he felt as if a pink angel had hauled ] him down a rainbow with a piece of chain lightning smack into a pile of down. Where's a pistol ? "As poor as Job's turkey" is a phrase that troubles the antiquarians, but they do not give | up the hunt for its origin, and one of them says be has found cui that the tuikey had but one featiier in bis tail, and was so poor that he was obliged to lean against a fence to gobble. SCENE AT A JRESTCAEANT. Waiter —"Hew will you have your steak cooked, sir ?"—Seri ous Gentleman —"Well done, good and faith ful servant." CTP*Four story shirt collars are all the rage; We saw one the other day with a stepple to it. Ths increase in building has proved very profit able to the limn and staich trade. Sftort necked peopl®, in order to keep p3Ce with t'he spii it of improvement, should get their ears :o --i ved up a little higher. i Fkrt is like the dipper attached 'o 2 hydant, every one is at liberty to dunk from it but no one desii es to carry it away. [EfPathrick Maloney, what do you say to the indictment—are you guilty or not guiify ? "Arrah, musha, yer wo;.,!iip, ...rw can I tell till I hear the evidence?" tO==-'You flatter me," said a thin exquisite to a lady who was praising the beauty of his moustache. "For heaven's sake, ma'arrij" in terposed an old skippe, "don't make that moo key any flatter than he is now." some old chepse, wneu mr ... •bat it contaiued living inhabitants. B ]<* hers," said he, "does your chaw in tbt coun try have children VOL. 4. NO. 17.