Newspaper of Bedford Gazette, January 25, 1861, Page 1

Newspaper of Bedford Gazette dated January 25, 1861 Page 1
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VOL.I ME 37. NEW SERIES. THE BEDFORD GAZETTE IS PUBLISHED EVERY FRIDAY MORNING BY K. I'- MKV<> At the followme. terms, town: $1.50 per annum, CASH, in advance. $2.00 11 " it paid within the year. $'2.50 " " tl not paid within the ,year. [£y"No subscription taken lor less than six months. paper discontinued until al> arrearajje® ate paid , unless at the option ot the publisher. .1 has tieen decided bv the United States Courts/ha: the stoppage of a newspaper without ■? payment oi ar -earages, is jrima facie evidence o! and is a criminal otic nee [GP~The courts have decided that persons are ac countable for the subscription price of ne * s P"Pj;"' ; the) take them from the post office,whetbor he) iiibscribe for them* or r>t>t * | m i -<**■ Select IjJoctiy. LET THAT BANNER WAVE. Oh. let that starry banner wave To glad the patriot's eye, And tell in these degen'rate days Of brighter days gone by— Of days when 'neath it in the fight The bronzed warrior stood, And bre its folds in glory's light O'er crimsoned fields ol blood. Still let it tell of strife and tears,' Of martyr'd spirits lied, And of the long and toilful years. Through which oiu fathers bled. Still let it tell of Bunker's height, Of Monmouth's gory plain— Of those who poured in Camden's fight Their blood like summer iain. Still on its folds beam every star in bright and dimless ray, And palsied be the hand would nut, Or tear one gem away, Forever let that banner wave To tell of deeds sublime, And light each nation struggling o'er The stormy sea oi time. Then freemen, round it firmly stand With high and deep resolve. And stay the wild fanatic band That struggles "to dissolve.'' Swear by the hope of future days— The dead of 'ays gone by, That still in g'ory's deathless haze That flag shall wave on high. Written exj)reesly for the Bedford Gazette- GREAT PRIZE TALE! THE HEART FIRE; OP. "ALT ENDS WELL" THAT OCT GENERALS "DU)RT." ■ •' ~ "* BY IIIBBLEDY HOBB, JR. CHAPTER I. It was on a Slack, gloomy, brilliant, starless midnight, in the bleak and*snowy month of June, in the year eighteen hundred and sixty- ] nothing, immediately after an early breakfast, about one and a half in the afternoon, just as the evening sun was setting, in gorgeous cross bars of "red, white and blue," behind where a superannuated hay-stack was "shaking his gory locks" in the midst of a boundless expanse of clear, level land, in the hpart of a dense, un trodden forest, on the highest peak of a huge ant-hill, that a young cavalier (judging from his appearance, about ninety seven years and fourteen days high; about five feet, thirteen in ches old, with rosy, black, straight, curly, au burn hair of a snowy whiteness; bright blue nose and Roman eyes ; pigeon toes and a red mus'n't-touch'em, which he had 'shaved off a! the tender age of two weeks) stole with sad, but joyous step, down the back kitchen stairs of his father's mansion, to go a-courtin'. CHAPTER 11. Altera long ana toilsome journey backwards, often minutes and forty-nine seconds, over an area of country, seventy-two thousand miles in extent, circular measure, he arrived on the wings of love, (his toes sticking out through his worn and dusty shirt-collar, and his ears sawed off by his highly polished gaiters) at the dwel ling of his ducky-darling, and stealthily, whis tling "Yankee-Doodle" with the variations of "Sweet Home," he madly and "gently as the falling dews of even" rushed in, and giving one "wild and prolonged yell of mortal'agony, ' sea ted himself upon the fender, in front of a huge vawning fire-place, where against the "stern, rock-bound coast" the briny waves of oblivion beat their jolly requiem to the melancholy tune of "Granny, will your dog bite," &.c. CBAPTER 111. Our hero remained sitting in the position we left him at the close of the last chapter, as quiet as a mouse,snorting and giggling all the time, for the space of seven weeks, when suddenly! his ears were greeted by a noise like "the rus tling of angels' wings," and looking up he saw his heart's dearest idol sliding down the an tiquely carved balustrade of the smoke-house stairs ; and rushing towards her with impatient out-stretched arms, he deliberately and convul sively cried out "600-00-o."' at which, with one wild, despairing exclamation of "oh golly j she fell ihto a protracted and death-like swoon, keeping all the time one eye open. CHAPTER IV. When our hero saw the sad results of his im* ' petuoi'y, he threw himseli upon his knees be side hi adored and wringing his hands and ciy , "Oh ! my dearest dock —my punkin-sass— my musharoon —my johnny-jump-up—why, oh, why did you turn tool and faint," he batb , ed her face With fis agonized tors, and hope ' 1-ssiy tickled her nose with a straw, in the , midst of which, she snorted "right out," when ■ in an Vxtacy of jo; he raised her in his a rtisand bore tier ali blushing and'buoyant to an old sleigh-box in one corner of the chicken-coop, where, seating In rose if beside her he gently sighed words in a language which none bin lov ers know, words that sparkled up from the well springs of his soul, and met a sparkling re sponse from her throbbing heart, as he sparked and she sparked and"plurai number, third per son," they spa iked. j * CHAPTER V. They sparked and sparked and might have j continued sparking until the present time, but i as theii evil stars would have it, the sparks at- ! tracted the attention of her paternal ancestor, (daddy as he was tenderly called, a lung, raw j boned, sorrel animal, ab >ut nineteen and a hall hands high, a< he was riding home from mar- i Uet on a venerable gray-headed individual ot majestic mipn, with flaps to his waistcoat, and greasy k nee-breechesj and he thought hisdomi cil was in a conflagration, and in a "swate Irish ; brogue," strongly marked by a ¥rich Dutch ac i cent," he hollered F-I-E-R ! F—l~E R ! CHAPTER VI. | The prolonged, agonizing cry of the paler . familing, aroused his entire household from ! then slu-nh' r, and simultaneously they rushed ' iin ; his wife, a plump, dappled-bay iilllebod- 1 dy. ir. Kentucky jean roundabout, with red mo- j i rocco cap-strings, came on a hand gallop from ! the spring house, where she had been engaged i j tor three wenk, churning the "milk of human j ! kindness" along with the "cream of a joke,'"in ; the vain attempt to get some Holland gin {ol . which the aforesaid old lady was very fond) — ! i his three sons, fine looking, cross-eyed, hump* j backed fellows came in, single file, four abreast | i mounted two by two, on cross-barred tom-cats, J I from the hav-field where they had been husk- i ing the "golden ears of autumn," and plaving j mumble-de-peg with their great-grandmother, ! I and his other daughter, the child ol his old age j ! and (lie pi ida AftYls house, came screeching, oin \ a fast trot, from the garden, where she had been j ' engaged in reading from an ancient Dutch an- [ 1 thor, in t a copy of the "British Poets," the heait rending epic of "Old Grimes' Cow and eat j ing the seeds of that conservative plant "That turns on her god when besets, j The sam * look that she turned when he rose," I I and sipping nectar from pumpkin blossoms, and I j brightening her already dazzling complexion ; with that never-failing cosmetic invented for the daughters of the gods, viz : tansy ana but • termilk. CHAPTER VII. As our hero saw the excitement he had in | nocently raised, in mortal fear for his new j | "slouch," he broke for a thicket of whiskey J ! barrels, which giew spontaneously in a dense j swamp, on the precipitous side of a neighbor ; ing mountain ; but in leaving, he unfortunatel v, j i struck his "calabash" into the breadbasket of j his father-in-law, that was to be (the aforesaid j daddy) causing the old man to grunt, and ! knocking an assortment of stars and sic/i like from our hero's eyes, in forty-two thousand scintillations, which he hurriedly gathered up in his hat, along with sundry other bricks, and ! and again flew "on his winding way" at a j two forty speed. Rut as he left, the old lady (mammv, as she was called far short) in a frenzy of in i dignation at seeing the dilapidated condition | of her liege lord (the old hos?) as he lay rolling |on the grass with his "bi/cr bust," sciearned i out alter him, "Ah you good-for-nothing, I sneakin,* flop-eared, slab-sided, egg-stickin,' | turkey-stealin,' bene-pickin,' j pig-worryio,' cat-skeerin,' ongainly, knock j kneed, bow-legged, pigeon-toed, turnip-nosed , red-musty-cheesed critter ! you ! ef i ketch you hack here I'll " This is all of this thrilling tale, that will be I \ published in [this paper, the balance from where it is here left off will be continued in the New Y'ork Dodger of the Wednesday 1 immediately succeeding Fourth of July, Chnst j mas and Easter, simultaneously, which may be j had of ail respective news-dealers at three cents a drink. THE KISS. — Who gave that kiss? the teacher cried ; 'Twas Harry Hall, John Jones replied. Come here to me old Switcbem said, And solemnly he shook his head : What evil genius promoted vou So rude a thing in school to do ? Said Harry, I can hardly say- Just how it happened. Any way, To do a sum she whispered me ; And round rry face her curls—you see— That is, her cheek—and I—and 1— i Just kissed her, but I don't know why. BEDFORD, FA., FRIDAY MORNING, JANUARY -23, Mil. TIIE HERO OF THE MINE- Years ago in ibe heart ot & m mntain in Belgium, a hundred men were working' a coal mine. Grim viiajjeJ and dusky, moving about by : the dull red light o( their uMv-iamps, they j might have been mistaken /or thr demons ol the mountain, once supposed toy the peasants to dwell in its caves. Their work was hard, and surrounded by dangers; but their wives and children were in the hamlet above, and long hibit makes them forget their perils. So they mL'ht be contented, and even happy. Tl e cr aking windlass raised and lowered a huge bucket through the de-pand narrow shaft from morning till night,carrying men and tools to and fro, this was Uit-ir only doorway. It was uoonuay, and the sun shone down one side ot the shah, and brought a glimmer of day light to a part ui the mine. Hubert Coffin, the master miner, took his place in the great kib ble, and was let down to the mine many feet below. When he reached the bottom he com menced handing some toe's and stores to Victor, aolind miner who was there. Victor had left a .sick cliild in one of the cottages, and it wa< to inquiie niter him that he stood wailing at the bottom of the shaft. The bucket was soon emptied, and Hubert was just stepping out, when hark ! What sound was that which made his cheek pale ?—lt was the rushing and trickling ol water.—The nest moment he caught sight of a stream forcing it sell through a fissure in the mountain close to the shall! Hubert's long experience instant ly showed him their (earful danger. It was not a feeble, oozing stream but a rr.ighly pies sure of water that had found its outlet. Thev would be overwhelmed—lust. One f.o was yet in the bucket—a jerlt at the rope wou'd save him. But, though death stared bint in the face, he could not sacrirtceo ttiers to save himself. Quickly jumping out, he seized blind Victor and placed him in the buck et, saying quickly, as be jerked the rope: "Tell them the water has burst in and we aie probably lost, but we'll seek refuge at t.V faither end of the gallery. Say larewell tootir poor hiends." In a moment he was gone, and with him Hubert's only certainty of escape hum a terrible death. The mine consisted of long, narrow passages, and on all sides deep coves /iom which the coal had been dug. The men were aI at the far ther end of the mine, hew ing out the solid mountain, unconscious ot danger. Hubert quickly made his way along the dark io!lowed by the swift-spreading water, and soon rejeaed his fellow workmen with ttie dreadful intelligence. It was a moment of panic, when eac;i would have rushed to certain death id vain eilori to save himself. But looking firm ly into their ghastly faces, the master spokea few courageous sent ♦ Fuflow my words, lads, and b? quick—our picks may save us !" Then came a lew steady', quick commands, to hollow a new chamber above the level which vhe water would piobably reach. The men o beyed in silence though each knew not b it that he might be digging his own grave. A hun dred pair of hands soon finished the work, and iut# the cave a hundred men crowded to wait tor death, or an almost impossible cinnc of re lief. The water gradually filled ail the ave nues and chambers, and then seemed daveJ.— Never was a situation more d-eadiul. Not more than a day's provisions had been saved, and al ready two or three of their cumber had been killed by the failing rocks while hastily dig ging the new chamber. The long dismal hours, with 110 change to mark them, brought the ad vance of almost certain death. Courage, brave Hubert! God, who saw thy noble sacrifice, will help thee ! The terrified friends and townsmen, on hear ing Victor's dreadful news, ran wildly about in hopeless panic. But some guided by the message Hubert had sent they commenced working a new shaft as near as possible to the spot where the helpless men might be. Five days they toiled, digging deeper into the solid side of the mountain. It's a vain task, sail the men, but t ! >e WiVnen cued. Do not cease! God will help us! At length on the morning ot the sixth day, the muffled sound of blows from within met the ears of the workmen on the shaft. A signal ran along the rope, and told the news to the Witting multitude above, who rent the air with joylui shouts. Soon a communication was made. They were saved—at least some were saved ! Who can imagine the feelings of the un fortunate men, buried (or five days and nights without food, when first *ne day gleamed in upon them, revealing a human face ! Of the hundred who had been imprisoned, only seventy .survived, and with them Hubert. Without him, indeed, piobably no one would have been snared to tell the news. This noble act done in at place and at a'reo ment when no praise of iner. could have been looked for, echoed throughout Europe, and obtained the praise and gratitude of the world. The ten thousand miners ol L°ige bailed their fellow laborers with delight and pride. Napo leon heard and admired in his palace at Paris, andNent a reward to the peasant nobleman.— He sent liirn his Cross of Honor, the mark which all high and great coveted, and, better s'ili, offered him a pension which raised him above want lor the rest of his Pie. A HIGH CHARGE.— "JuIius, why didn't you oblong your stay at de sea-side ?" "Kase, I tell you Mr. Snow, dey charge too much." • How so." "Why, de landlord charged dis colored in dividual wid stealing de great big silwer spoons." we read the almost interminable sentences ol some writers, we cannot help thinking that their readers are in danger of be ng sentenced to death. Freedom of Thought and Opinion. COURTING ON SCIENTIFIC PRINCI- [ PJ.KS. Among the "necessary evils*'of life, court- j ing may be classed as one of the most serious ;

and interesting. It attempted at all, it should j like dancing, be conducted according to some ' well defined i ules. The subject has not been entirely overlooked in books on etiquette and j deportment, &c.; but the most plain and prac tical rules we have SPe n, are those laid down ; by Samuel Slick, Esq., as follows : ' Courtin' a gal, I guess, is like a voung ho oe in a pasture. lou put the oats in a pan, ; bi.e the halter, and soft-sawder the critter, and it •„ Jines up softjy arid sliilv a! first, and p.its its tic * to the grain, aud gets a ta>te, stands off an munches a iittle, looks round to see that the coast is clear, and advances cautious again for a go, if you are rough. Well, you sott-sawdei it all the time; so-so, pet! gently pe; . that s a pretty doll ! and gets to kind a iike it, and comes closer, and you think you have it, niuKe a giao at its man, and it ups head and tail, snorts, wheels short round, 'Jets go both h uk* ' e,| t a' you, and oil like a shot. That comes os being in a hurry. Now, it you only had put your hand up slowly towards its shoulder, and then felt along the mane, ;t might perhaps ha|e drawed away, as much as to say, hands oQj if you please; I iike your oats, but I don't ward you ; but the chance is you would have cai I)t it. Well, what's your play, now you ha.e missed it ? Why, you don't give chase, for dial only scares the critter : but stand still, shake.the oats in the pan, and sav copp, cope, cop -*! and it stops, looks at you, and comes up cg'Shn, but awfui skittish, stretches its neck out e- er so tar, steals a few grains, and then keeps a respectful distance.—Now what do vou do tHVn ! Whv shake the pan and move slowlv, ?s il you were going to leave the pastor and ou*- 1 lor hum ; when it repents lor beia'so dis trustful, comes up, and you slip the halter on." Flow AM HONEST OLD NEGRO OUTWITTED A PA a TT OF ABOLITIONISTS.—A short time ago, a v .iow lady, living near the northern line ot Missouri, suit tier negro man with a load of wheat to a mill in lowa, to have it manufactu red into flour. Ihe {mill was crowded on bis arrival there, and the prospect was that he would have to wait several davs lor his "turn." White waiting, some of the "freedom shriek- Pis" in that latitude, got around the darkey and proposed aiding hiai in securing his freedom. The negro seemed to be struck with the irffa, )iH did not have any money to pay his expen ds. "Well," said they, "-ell your mules."— -FWt know 'bou* dat : missus couldn't get a la-.ig w i lout dem,"said Cuff. "Well then, you ran sell the wffguri that will bring the money ;i Well, I believe missus needs de wagon top," levered..lias, blacji, "but ji I had tie ;round, 1 could self 0- u'ouf—v. old Irleh :he money." "Oh, well," said the negro equal iiyist, "we will swap you (lour for your wheat :o accommodate you." So the trade was made. The wheat was exchanged tor the proper par don of flour and the colored man was loaded all -eady to drive off and sell his flour. But when be was about ready to start, he said : "Massa f's bin studyn' 'oout freedom, but I don't be h-ve missus can spare d" flour either," and Jrove oir with a broad grin, displaying two rows ot ivory, much to the mortification ant! vexation of our negro loving lowans. SLIGHT VOCAL MISMPPREHCXSION. —The bore who is the greatest of all bores is he that reads to you aloud. If he reads his own composition be deserves death. A Parisian gentleman, af flicted with the presence of a young poet, who Was given to this trick, shut his mouth forever in the following manner : The bore had read a poem an hour long. At its close he uaso verwhelmed with compliments and felicitations, tor there is some remnant ol lip poiiten- ss yet ex'ar.t in Paiis. But people looked into each others' countenances with silent gloom. Was this a precedent for future inflictions? If so, I he re-union might as well he broken upat once. The host, a gentleman of exceeding tact, divined what was passing in the minds ot his guests, and restored confidence bv a stroke worthy of a Talleyrand. Approaching the youthful poet modestly awaiting the anticipated tiibute to his genius, the gentleman seized both his hands and in a delighted tone exclaimed, "My dear sir ' You cannot imagine how much I am [ leased and astonished I I thought you were a tenor, when, in reality, your voice is a very fine barytone I" The incipient bard is not like ly to read anymore verses in that house, as may well be imagined. FORTY BABIES IN TEN DAYS !—Le Claire a gainst the World : —As an instance of the rap id increase in importance and population of the Western country—as an instance of the cheer ing abundance of the crops ol county —as an instance of the souncint-s of the citizens of Le Claire on the goose question, we chronicle the fact—we point with feelings ol just county pride to the imposing fact, that the full number of forty births have takeu place in the town of Le Claire within the last "ten days!" Talk about your big potatoes ; about your wheat, for ty bushels to the acre ; talk about secession and disunion, and all such stuft*—that ain't nothing compared with this mighty vindication oflowa progress and lowa institutions. Forty babips in ten days ; forty homes made happy ; forty jubilant lathers * forty cradles to rock; forty thousand screams ! Jerusalem, what a coun try ! The doctors say that the good mothers are quite "as well as could be expected," thank you, and the children are all smart, healthy, pretty ; able to draw their regular rations, and are prin cipally girls.— Davenport (Iowa) Gazette. me I" said a pious lady, "our minis ter was a powerful preacher ; for the short time he ministered the word among us, he kick ed down three pulpits, and banged the in'ards out of six bibles." GROUNDS FOR A DIVORCE. —Judge L., who i one of the most humane of legal functionaries 'ells a good storv of an affair|coming beneath hi< judicial eye. A lady called on him a sliori time since, stating that she desired a divorce from hep husband. The gallant Judge asked her what good reasons she could givp for such a wish. The lady stated that she did not like to live ;t!) her husband because he was an ",n --fidei. The Judge informed her that a differ ence o religious opinions, or a lack of them al together was no ground for a divorce ; and un less the ; , '•/ should give a r-*a<on more in ac cordance v: itS the law in such cases mad- and provided, she co'd not have her wishes gratified. I he lady e-rned perplexed, but r ioirsed "Why, I have read in th- papers of wives being divorced from their husbands on account of "infidelity !" By Eighteen things in which jourig people render themselves unpohte : 1. Loud laughter. 2. R-ading when othrrs are talking. 3. (Jutting finger-nails in company. 4. Leaving meeting before it is closed. 5. Whispering in meeting. 6. Gazmg atgStrangers. 7. Leaving a stranger without a seat. 8. A waio of reverence for seniors. 9. Reading aloud in company without be ing asked. 10. Receiving a pr-sent without some mani festations of gratitude. 11. Making yourself the topic of conversa tion. 12. Laughing at the mistakes of others. 13. Joking others in company. 14. Correcting older persons than yourself, especially parents. 15. Commencing talking before others are ihrough. 16. Answering questions when put to oth ers. 17. Commencing to eat a? soon as you get to the table. 18. In not listening to what one is saying in company—unless you desire to show open con tempi for the speaker. A well bred person will not make an observation whilst another ol the co'opany is addressing himself to it. A. T THIRTY. —Mr. Charles Gist, who was engaged in taking the census in Cincinnati, tells a good anecdote of a conversation between him and a married lady, which will bear re peating : "Madam, what age shall I put vou down at ?" No direct answer. "How old is \ our husband S'Sixty one." "Your oldest son ?" *? f \no tie next ?" "Twenty one." '•And how old do you call yourself?" "f do not Know my age exactly, but it is a bout thirty." "Did I understand you madam, that jour ol dest sen was 27 "Yes." "You must surely then, be more ,than thir ty." > Well, sir, (quite snappishly,) I told you a bout thirty. I can't tell exactly : it maj b< thirty one or two, but I'm positive not ovei that How TO RUIN YOUR HEALTH.— Ist. Sleep in bed late. 2d. Eat hot suppers. 3u. Turn day into night, and night intc day. 4th. Take no exercise. sth. Always ride when you can walk. 6th. Never mind wet feet. 7th. Have hail a dozen doctors. Bth. Drink all the medicine they send you. 10th. It they do not kill you, quack your self. uF°"A clergx man ot Concord, N. H., met a little bov of his acquaintance on the cars, and said to him : •'This is a quite a stormy day, my son." "Yes, sir," said the boy ; "this is quite a wet rain." The clergyman, thinking to rebuke such hy perbole, asked it he ever knew ol any other than wet rain. "I never knew personally of any other," said the boy, "but I hare read in a certain book of a time when it rain-d fire and brimstone, and I guess that was not a wet rain." ESSENCE OF YOUNG AMERICA. —Seen*—(Jab- in of the New World. Little boy, with "let ter in the post-office," eyeing old gentleman in blue and "yailer," and with a large mouth. Little Boy (enquiringly)—" Who made that slit under your not), old leller ?" Old gentleman—"Sir, you are impudent." Little Boy, (suggestively)— Careless cuss, wan't he ?—cut a little deeper he'd Lad yer head or!." Old gentleman vanished to the tune of "Go it while yer young." [CP'The following is a literal copy of the last questions proposed fur discussion in a colored debating club where phonetics were practiced : Is dansin merellie rong ? Istheredin of fictishius works comtnendi ble ? Is it necessary that females should receive a thurry edicashun ? Ort females take part in pollyti x ! Duz dress constitute the morrel part of wtmmen ? 'J3 ?= ""The little darling—he didn't strike Mrs. Smith's baby a purpose, did he ? It vras a mere accident wasn't it, sonny ?" "Yes mar, to be sure it was, and if he don't behave himself I'll crack him again." WB|<E HeißElt 941. -ige, \cu say if I punch a man. even in fun, he can take ir. "up (or assault and bat tery t" "Ye?. sir, I said that, and what f 'aid T re peat. It you punch a man you are guiitv of a breach ol the peace, and can be arrested tor it." "Ain't Ihpre no exceptions "No sir. no exceptions whatever." "Judge, I think you are mistaken. Surpose for instance, I should brandy-pur i,irn—vnat then V "No levity in court, sir. Sheriff expose this man to the atmosphere. Call case." PERSONAL. — "When are you going to com mence tlie pork business ?" asked a person of another, who had a stv on his eye. "Explain yourself, sir," said the afflicted gen tleman. "Why I see that you have your sty quite readv." "True," replied the other, "and Jl've a bog in my eye now !" The querist vamosed. e following occurred in a school in his country : Teacher—What part of speech is the word Boy—(hesitating) —"Noun, Sir." Teacher—"What's its gender ?" Boy—(perplexed)—"Can't tell, sir." Teacher—"ls it masculine, feminine, or neu :er ?" Boy—(looking sharp)— Can't say, sir, till it s hatched!" you see a gentleman at midnight in the step in front of his house combing bis rair vvith the door-scraper, you'may judge h e las been out to an evening party. soldier who was once wounded ir baf fle. set up a terrible bellowing. An Irishman who laid near, with both legs shot off, immedi ately sung out : "Bad luck to the likes of re, do ye think that nobody is kilt but yourself ?" following beautiful stanza is copied from alvoung lady's album. "Fair made, when I B hold urp face & gaize in two ure azhur ize My love is warmed in 2 a blaze, 5c thauts within mi bosom rize 2 big for mi week tung 2 uttpr, which leaves mi hart awl in a flutter." A LAMENT.— A weather-bound individual standing under an awning during a late shnw : °r was beard to utter the following lament : 'Two? ever thus from childhood's hour There afwi.'ih 0 ?. me fell : When I ain't got no umbereil. TF'A vnung ladv was waltzing the other e vening, and a gentleman friend was standing near. During a momentary pause, he said fo her : "I saw them—tbpy're blue." Now it appears thp young ladv had blup m spffs on her slippers, and also blue garters, and being uncertain as to which her friend referred, she concluded to stop waltzing in the expanded crinoline she fhen wore. An advocate having lately gained a suit for a poor young lady, she remarked : "I have nothing to pay you with, sir, but my heart." "Hand it over to the clerk, if you please, I wish no fee for myself." O^F*"ln Cincinnati, an Irishman became angrv a' a darkey, and broke seven or eight bricks upon his head without dome him the Jeast in jury. The n°gro, who was perfectly cool du ring the operation, pxclaimed : "Struck away white man—dis'chile don't mind lem pebbles no how ! yah ! yah !" fTF~A writer in an Arkansas paper, who is evidently no friend of Lincoln, give? us his sen timents in the following style : Two posts standanl, One beam crossanf, One rope pendant, Abram at the end on't, Gloriou, splendent. A bereaved Western widow addressed the pall-bearers at the funeral with—"You pail bearers, just go into the buttery, "and get some rum, and we'll start this man right'along." A sforv is told ot a tavern keeper bv thp name of A. S. Camp. The painter, in painting his sign, left out the points, so it read : Tavern kept by A S C A M P. Jones, why do vou wear that bad hat i" "Because, mv dpar sir, Mrs. Jones vows she will not go out of the house until I get a new ane." editor of a paper in Indiana, wants >o know if Western whiskey was pver seen "comin' thro' the rye ?" irr-Qnilp says there's many a woman strong enough to hold a fractious horse who can't hold her tongup. fL7 = ""Bob, is that dog of your'n a point er r ' "Nr.. he's half hunter and half setter j he bunts when he's hungry, and sets by the stove when he's satisfied." (CF~Thp man that drew a long breath has fa ken another chance in the same lottery. VOI. 4 NO. i 4.