Newspaper of The Washington Standard, May 31, 1873, Page 1

Newspaper of The Washington Standard dated May 31, 1873 Page 1
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VOL. XIII-'NO. 30. %V.islu3if|ton jptoautatl. IS intUED EVEItY SATURDAY MORNING HT JOHN MILLER MURPHY, EOITOR ftiJ PROPRIETOR. Nnbicription Hates t Vor annum $3 00 •• six months 'i 00 Ailrerllsl»if Rata*! !>!»'• square, one insertion S3 00 Ei-ili additional Insertion 1 00 liusiness cards, per quarter 5 00 " annum 15 00 K7" A liberal deduction will be made in fa ▼or of those who advertise four squares, or upward*, by tho year. 0./" I.ep;al notices will lie charged to the at torney or ollicor anthori/.iuK their insertion. C 7" Advertisements selll from a distance ami transient notices, must be accompanied bv the cash. Announcements of births, marriages ami (hiillis. inserted free of charge. C.'/"Ol>itu:iry notices, or "poetry" ai>|>en<l e<l t<» marriages or deaths, will lie chanced oni'-halt" our regular advertising rates. We will not hereafter deviate from this rule. R7- 111 inks, llillh' iulv <'arils, Catalogues. Circulars,"Hills of R'l-o, Posters, Pamjmli'ts l'rogptnitruu. >Vc., ]»rhtl(iii sit reasonable rates ( —Cornel' of Second and Washington SLrct'ts. BUSINESS Bimvrry.— I The following, said to be from tlio commercial column of a Western paper, purports to be the reply of a New Yorker to the preceptor of his preference in tho prescribed course of studies: WAT.T, Srnr.lT, N. Y., Dec. 1, '72, Sri:—Your's to h'd & cont's noted. Pont want son to study str'n'my. 'Twont. pay. No ships run'g to stars and no prospects of it. All bosh, if 'twont 11 1)) trade. Also stop Latin and G reek. Bov'll pick up such Lt'n words as petit, larceny it delirium tre mens, &c., soon 'nough he'r in gold b'd. I'm bullish on 'rithni't k & sp'g, ari l T'k some stock in (Ir'm'r too, but I can make money 'nough without L'tu &Ok, etc. No use. I'm Menib' St'k Eich'g, Chamb' Com' &e. Daboll' Arithm'tic is short of stock terms. Put boy thr'gh on niarg'ns corn'rs, Dr., C\, ct. pr. el'r house. Bailr ds, and Oov'ts, yourself, & go short on y'r (srk and Lt' tcc. Thev'r best md'izo for the street--always in demand here. I mean Dr & Or, etc. When term ends, please ship boy & Bks to N. Y. ('. orH. U.K. with B. Ti'dg in hat, eons'gn to — B'd st. Draw sight dr'ft for bill. Aliiney easv st'ks still' & short int'r'st eov'rd. Shall T get von long on 10(1 L. S. at. 07 ? Boys tuition do for margin. Exc 'ygc e's. Yours, etc. A jackal wliich had pursued a deer all day wilh unflagging industry was nitont to seize l:i:n; win '! an envl': qunko, which wis doing a little civil engineering in tl.al , .at of the country, opening a small chasm between him and and liis prey. " Now here,'' said he, " is a distinct interference with tlie laws of mi'ure. Hut if we are to toler ate miracles there is an end to all pro gress." So speaking, he endeavored to cross the abyss at two jumps. His fate would serve the purpose of an impress ive warning if it might be clearly ascer tained; but the earth having immedi ately pinched together again, the re search of tho moral investigator is batlled.— Fables of Ztunbri, the J'rtrxce. LOST. —A green lad from Alabama, Who was a passenger on one of the steamboats navigating the Gulf of Mex ico, suddenly bolted into the cabin one mornings before the passengers had fairly rubbed their eyes open, exclaim big, "We are lost!" " Lost 1" screamed tho whole crowd. "Yes, lost!" said the lad, astonished at the alarm ho had created. " I know we are lost, 'cause the captain's on the toJ> of the house, (and another man's upon the mast, adooking to see where we are." Wjr Tho Macoupin (111.) Inquirer fiays that a Greene county young lady, who is worth $30,000, recently refused to marry a clergyman because she thought she was nnfit to be the wife of a minister. He then abandoned his sacred calling and propose d again. The second time she declined his offer on the ground that she was too good to marry a man who would throw away his clerical robes to win a woman's hand. Did our readers ever hear their young lady acquaintances ask each other: "What's you politics?' aud giggle. The question has a hidden meaning. For explanation apply to the first lady you know who wears a large bustle. XSJ" A Montana vigilance committee caught a very obnoxious character, set him on his mule, and told him he hod precisely fifteen minutes to leave the country in. Ho replied: Gents, if this mule don't balk, jive 11 mi.wrr. Id** "My yoke is easy and my burden is light," as a Harrisburg youth said when his "girl was sittihg on his lap with her arms around his neck. Ho was a patient young ox, anyhow. ty If you let the cat out of the bag never try to cram it back again; it only makes matters worse. .S3 00 1 00 . 5 (Ml .15 00 -♦ o ♦ ■ I —— DEVOTED TO NEWS, POLITICS, THE DISSEMINATION OP VSKFLL INFORMATION AND THIS PROMOTION OP THE BEST INTERESTS OP WASHINGTON TERRITORY. OLYMPIA, WASHINGTON TERRITORY, SATURDAY MORNING, MAY 81, 1873. Cousin Percy's Double. Just in the outskirts of a small York shire village there stands, away back from tlie road, amid some tall, wide si) reading elm trees, ah old-fashioned house, wherein do eat, drink, sleep and exist tho Misses Grimwood, three eld erly nnwedded females of a shrunk-up and withered appearance, who represent with great credit, that class of human beings known—in somewhat expressive language—as the " vulgar aristocracy." Tho Misses Grimwood were very pre cise and particular, in their manner of saying and doing things, for fear they should appear " low" and " impolite," and too much like " common people," to be regarded with that respect which their great wealth and small brains ought (judging from the way such things usually are) to confer upon them. Ono pleasant day in June, the three old maids sat together in a largo bay window, that commanded an unlimited view of the graveled walk, leading down between to rows of trees to the road, and the road itself that wound its way toward the little village faintly seen in the distance. " Elmira, my love," murmured the eldest Miss Grimwood to the next younger, with an air of indolence and languor, that was supposed to be fash ionable. " Yes, my dear," said Elmira, with a weary sigh, as if it cost her a great ef fort to speak at all. "Do you suppose that cousin Percy will come out to see lis this summer'! 1 You know we haven't seen him for four or live years, and I've heard he is very stylish and so polite, and so gentle manly—l do wish he would." " I don't know, my love," replied El mira, " I wrote him an invitation nearly ten days ago, but have received no reply. Ido wish he would come, .he is so wealthv and handsome—" " And has such a lovely moustache, Amelia wrote," said the younger of the sisters, who affected to be sentiment::!. " Cornelia," said Ehuira, with a slight frown, " how much must I re mind you that you must not interrupt lue while lam speaking ? It's low, and not genteel. As I was about to remark. I hope our cousin Percy will come, for lie will make such a nice match for you, and you can get him if you are only stylish and agreeable." " And has our assistance," said the the eldest Miss Grim wood, with a pre cise air of superior wisdom. " Yes," assented Elinira, with a bow, " and has our assistance." Miss Cornelia simpered, and hid her face in her handkerchief, and tried to blush, but she failed, completely. After this tho three, having exhausted their stock of ideas, became lost in an absorbing reverie, thinking about noth ing. " I declare," said the eldest sister, suddenly arousing herself from the state of imbecility into which she had fallen, and gazing out down tho walk to the gate, through which a young man, evidently " one of tho common people," was just coming. " I declare —what is that vulgar man coming into our premises for ? Go, ask that fellow what business he has to intrude on our private grounds, sister Cornelia." "Oh! oh!" said the delicate young lady addressed, almost thrown into con vulsions by the monstrosity of so hor rid a proposition. " I—t can't! He's so ragged!" " I suppose that it is hardly proper yuu should be seen speaking to such a commou person," said the eldest, with a great deal of importance; " but what can we do? Our man-servant is not »t> home, and if he keeps on he will ac tually come upon our front steps. Dear me, I do wish these low people would know their places." After a great deal of talk, it was final ly decided that, owing to the extreme urgency of the case, all three should go out and accost the man, and ascer tain what business it was that made him presume to defile the ground of the Grim woods with his loathsome presence. Accordingly, the three arose, and with a very stiff and precise appearance, that the man might be at once impressed with a due respect for their importance stalked out upon the porch in Indian tile, just as the stranger reached the eteps that lead tip into the house. " The impudence and boldness of tlifese lower classes exceeds our most credulous belief, sister Elmirn," said the eldest sister in a loud shrill key, that was, of course, perfectly audible to the ears of the man for whom it was indirectly intended. " Certainly my love, you are quite right," said Ehnira, with a glance of contempt at the stranger. " They are very unmannerly and im polite, I am sure." " And—and—ragged," said Cornelia, the youngest, with a little simper, and glancing at tho clothes worn by the man. Oh dear, ain't it awful." " I think they should be summarily ejected from the ground of those who are their superiors, when they have no better taste than to intrude," said El mira disdainfully. " What do you como here for, man?" said the eldest sister, sharply, to the stranger. A sarcastic smile rested upon the face of the handsome young man—for he was handsome for all the rags—as these various little opinions were hurled at him, and in reply to the question he produced a letter, and held it towards her at arms length. Miss Elmira ventured to take the ex treme corner of it daintily between her thumb and forefinger, and as the other Misses Grimwood gathered around with eager curiosity to see to whom it was directed, the stranger glanced ak them for an instant from beneath the slouched hat, kconlv, sharply, and shrewdly, as if he was better acquainted with them than they were aware of, and then turned to depart. " Here, fellow," said the eldest Miss Grimwood, tossing a sixpence at him, " take that, and go away, do." Tho piece of silver fell directly in the path of the young man, who spurned it aside with his foot, and, continuing hia way to the gate, soon disappeared in the direction of the village. " I declare!" said the eldest sister, as they returned into the house, "if that low person ain't awfully imperti nent! lief used the money I gave him! How dare ho do it ? Who is the letter from, Elmira my love?" " Dear me," said Elmira, who had been eager in its perusal, if it ain't from our dear cousin Percy! He is at the village, at which he says he has just arrived, and he says he will be here in about two hours. Do ruu to the window, sister Cornelia, aud see if ho is not almost here. It is about timo. Oh, how plo-ised I am!" The youngest sister did as requested, and after a long and eager look down the road, returned to report that 110 one was in sight, whereat the eldest rang the bell, and ordered the servant who answered it, to have the cook immedi ately prepare a " sumptuous feast,'' suitable to the rank and wealth of the expected guest. . After this the Misses Grimwood, con cealing their excitement and impatience for fear it might be "low" to evince such human feelings, sat like three icebergs in the centre of the parlor, and frigodly awaited the cotniug of their dear cousin Percy. In due time a magnificent carriage, drawn by a pair of splendid black horses, dashed up to the gate in grand style, and there alighted therefrom the young gentleman in question, Mr. Per cy, dressed in the extreme height of fashion, and displaying the very em bodiment of gentility. Of course, the Misses Griinwood strove to show him every possible at tention and respect, without compro mising their self-importance, and over and over again expressed the very great happiness they experienced in welcom ing their beloved cousin Percy to Grove Place, as tho home of tho Grimwood;* was called by them. The wealthy and genteel Percy, how ever did not seem to enter into the en thusiasm exhibited by his fair cousins in the manndt they Wished, and had been led, by their own vanity, to expect; but, on the contrary, he returned their salutations in as indifferent a way as he well could, and still not be' ungentle manly.

e propose to let slip by unrecorded the unimportant events that transpired during the first week of Mr. Percy's visit, and narrate tho paaticulars of an occurrence that took place the day be fore his departure from the homo of the Grimwoods, and which is very im portant in this story, as it not only changes the entire hopes and prospects of the three old maids, but also devel opes into a fact a suspicious reader may have entertained regarding M. Percy. The two elder of the three Misses Grimwood had been "laying their heads together" ever since the advent of their cousin at Grove Place to the capture the heart, the hand, and the fortune of the genteel and agreeable Percy for their younger and more hand some—it is not saving much-—sister Cornelia. After a discussion, that lasted a very long time, and in which an immense amount of wisdom was displayed, it was at length decided that the next day—that being the day before Percy's visit was expected to terminate—the two Misses Grim wood should contrive to have Cornelia and her cousin left 0 alone together for a sufficient length ot time for him to propose, she to ac cept, and the day to be settled between them, when the happy ceremony that would make them husband and wife, was to transpire. To make as sure a thing as possible, Miss Cornelia was called in and given a great many instructions how to act and what to say by the eldest Miss Grimwood who, having been engaged for the last fifteen years in the fruitless endeavor to got married, were emi nently qualified to give such advice. The programme was accordingly car ried into effect, and the next day found Cornelia and Percy seated alone to gether in the arbor side by side, under as favorable circumstances for popping the question as probably have ever been recorded iu the history of any love-mak ing. " What a lovely day it is, cousin Per cy," said Cornelia, glancing sideways at tho young man. "The gale wafts to my ucuso tho smell of dowers, and— end ---how sweetly the hens cackle! It seems just like tho day you came. What made you send such an outland ish, ragged fellow with your letter, dear Percy —ho was awfully horrid and vul gar." " Indeed," said Percy, politely. " What did he do or say, pray ?" " What a question, Percy, for you to ask. Why, he was ragged, and so, of course, was 110 gentleman. But let us not talk about it—it's so awful. Let us converse about something else." " Well," said Percy, calmly, " what shall it be, love ?' " Love," repeated Cornelia, as coquet tishly as her age would permit. " Ain't you ashamed of yourself to call me love ? Oh, dear Percy, lam not your lovte, am I? " No," said Percy, smiling slightly to himself, "you are not." Thif reply, so different from what she had hoped, somewhat disconcerted Miss Grimwood at first, however, she soon rallied, and came again to tho charge. " And must you leave tO-morrow, dear Percy ?" she said drawing nearer, and nccidently, of course, laying hor hand on his. "Must this parting be so soon? Must—must the cords that have united us in our friendship, be severed by the knife of absence, oh, clear Percy ?" " They must," said Percy, with a stoicism against all these blandishments, that would have done credit to a phil osopher. 4 Miss Cornelia felt that something desperate must be performed, or hor chances for getting Percy's hand—and consequently his fortune, w'lioh was, of course, the chief point to be gained —would fall through. A little right management at the proper time might effect her object, on the other hand, a slight error in speech or manner might ruin her ontuo hopes and prospects. It was a delicate point, and she felt it. " Cousin Percy," w»id she, looking at him tenderly. "Well," said Percy. "Your company is very agreeable/' "Is it?" said Percy, calmly. " Yes, it is very agreeable' to ma, detr Percr." "Ah* J said Percy. Misn Grimwood was almost iu de spair. "Cousin Percy," Baid she desper ately. " Well." " Do you thinli it wrong for cousins —not second cousins, but cousins like you and me —to get married, dear Percy?" " That will do," said Percy, sharply. "What?" said Cornelia, startled at the words and manner of her compan ion. "That will do," repeated Percy. " You needn't pop the question." Miss ti rim wood was dumb. She could not liavo spoken a word then, had her life depended iqion it. "You needn't pop the question," said Percy, " because I am too ' awful horrid and vulgar' to suit your tnste." "Why, what do you mean?" said Cornelia, burying her face in her hand kerchief with a snarl. " I mean," said Percy, rising, and standing before her, "that I am the poor, ragged, despised fellow that brought my letter announcing my com ing. If yon treated me mean then, you must now. I disguised myself on purpose to try you and your sisters. I see what you are. I shall leave Grove Place to-morrow, never to return. What is more, I am going to marry a poor pirl, who is not worth a farthing; but she is beautiful, pure, and good, and I will plainly inform you that you and your sisters are not fit to touch the hem of her dress. Ciood-dav." Ho bowed with cold dignity, and walked out of the arbor towards the house. Miss Cornelia Grimwood gave uttor terance to a piercing shriek, that would have established the reputation of a steam-whistle for all time to come, and rolling off from the scat on to the ground, "fainted" quite away just as her two sisters (who had been trying to ascertain how their scheme worked by listening to the en Lire conversation out side the arbor) came rushing to render hor assistance. The two Misses Grim wood fell upon their knees before their prostrate sister, chafed her hands and limbs, sprinkled cold water in plentiful quantities over her face, poked straws up her nose, bewailed loudly that she was dead, and, in short, performed many other feats of a like nature, with the avowed in tention of " bringing her to." They desisted, however, when they were sure that Percy was out of sight and hearing, and Cornelia, raising her* self on her elbow in a most remarkable manner for one in lier supposed condi tion, end gazing anxiously around, said •• " Is—{» he gone?" " Yes, mv love," murmured tho two old maids in tho ranto breath. " You can got up now, and if he comes back, you can faint away again. Cruel man!" We will bring our narration to a speedy close, by stating that Mr. Percy left Grove Place the next day, and was never more seen in that vicinity. Within three months after the unsuc cessful assault of the three old maids on his affections and his purse, he married the poorest girl (in pecuniary sense) in all Yorkshire; but one who was the richest in gentleness, purity, and virtue, and all the attractions that go to make home the nearest to para dise of anything on earth. Tho three Misses Grimwood still re sult) at Grove Place, anil, although they did not soon forget the mortifying lesson that Percy taught them, they are as aristocratic as evor, never seeming to huvo learned the fact that hidden bo neath ragged clothes may be found true nobility, and that gold does not always glisten, , neither are diamonds found without scraping in the dirt. ♦ KC More immigrants have reached America during the last three months than during all the year 1872, and no£ a third who intend to come this year aro yc-t here. A contemporary gravely suggests that schools should be made as attract-* ive for children as the circus, then there' would be no tardy or truant st'holais. j fj? A National Poker Congress is talked of in Chicago. salaries of Postmasters are i*o be readjusted on July Ist. WHOLE NO. 655. A MAEBISD MAN OH BUTXWfB. Again has that jocular reprobate who tells such awful stories on even-body in the Danbury Xcuv bee u "a doing of it," and in this wise: It is bad enough to see al)achelor sew on a button, but he is the embodi ment of pnioo alongside of a married man. Jieerssity has conn>elled expert once in the cu.«e of thtt former, but the : latter has alu tys depended upon some | one else for l.is service, and fortunately | for the sake of society", it is rarely he id | obliged to resort: to the needle himself; Sometimes the patient wife scalds her right hand, or runs a sliver under the nail of the index finger of that hand, and it is then that the man clutches the needle around the neck, and for getting to tie a knot in the thread com mences to put on the button. It is al ways in the morning, and from five to twenty minutes after he is expected to be down street. He lays the button exactly on the site of its predecessor, and pushes the needle through one eve, and carefully draws the thread after leaving about three inches of it sticking up for leo way. He says to himself,. " Well, if women don't have the easiest time I ever see!" Then he comes back the other way, and gots (lie needln through the cloth well enough, and lays himself out to find thfceyo, hut in spite of a great deal of patient jabbing,, the needle point persists in bucking against the solid parts of the button, when 110 loses patience and finally catches the thread, and that three inches lie hud left to hold the button slips tlirough the eye in a twinkling, and the button rolls leisurely across the floor." Ho picks it up without a single remark,' out of respect for his children, and makes another attempt to fasten it % This time, when coming back with tha needle, he keeps both the thread auct the button from slipping by covering them with his thumb, and it is out of regard for that part of him that he feels around for the eye in a very- careful and judicious manner, but eventually losing his philosophy as the search becomes more and more hopeless, he fulls to jab bing about in a loose and savage man ner, and it is just then the needle finds the opening and, comes up through the button and part way through his thumb with a celerity that no human ingenuity can guard against. Then he lays down the things, with a few familiar quota tions, and presses the injured hand between his kuces, and then lie holds it under the other arm, and finally jams it. into his mouth, and all the while he prances about the flefcr and calls upon heaven and earth to witness that there has never bscn anything like it since the world was created, and howls, and whistles, moans, and sobs. After a while he calms down, and puts on his and fastens them together with a stick, and goes to his business iv changed m.au. IT WASN'T IIER HUSBAXC AJTEB ALL.' —A story lias gone the rounds of liter-, ary gossip about an attached pitir of names not nnknown to fame, \vlio went to board where people also went, who' were literary and of good taste. The lady, thinking that as she and her liu»- bhnd were all in all to each other, it was as well they should remain so, de sired of the hostess that there might be no introductions to other boarders; which was ob>» rved. Various tender passages betwf .rv the amiable pair OQ their way to and from the dining-room edilied the family (jiuing the season' In time a Boston an an came to boards and on his way to t!io basement at din-* ner, rfoinsr down late, he heard a 15ghtj laugh behind bim, and a figure not so light as tho laugh, sprang on lii« shoulders and claimed a ride dowti stairs. The Boston man took things coolly, carried his burden downstairs into the dining-room, and shot lier into a vacant seat at the table. The lady looked up to fin-J her husband already there before her, and every eyo Was turned to watch these extraordinary, proceedings. There was nothing to be, done but to burst info tears, which al}e did Nno York Tribune. CP* Bishop Harris, of the MetluxHei Church, starts ou his official visit to the churches in Europe and Asia. He sails f.iom Sim Francisco for Japan on the 15th of May, and on his return will re move to Chicago as his permanent home. A State Senator in one of th« Western States aaid, in a recent speeeh on excessive legislation, " W4 have al ready bit oft' uiore>thai* we can chaw." He was forcibly if not absolutely ele gant - : • ■ li? - -.1- • Tlie Post mas ter-Qan oral of New South Walos has been authorized to <?o to Washington to make arran>»e nients for a pemiauQttt Kiail service tween California and Australia. rs* In Williamsburg, N'. %. Sunday/ ' April 2t»th, an ex-Methodist clergyman | and ten persons, converts from other j denominations, were received into, tfya' Roman Catholic Chkircb. ■■ • ■■ ■ '»»■ f —- i 'Mt. A Flojida fff wer realizes ti,Boo a week from the sale ofrnoaa on his plantation.

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